


Zombies in Love: KakuHida Week 2020

by Clever_Girl_22



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Domestic Fluff, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Established Relationship, Gen, Halloween Shenanigans, Healthy HidaKaku, KakuHida Week 2020, M/M, Mature Rating for "Recovery" Prompt, Mild Gore, Platonic Relationships, Retcon, Reunions, Slow Burn, Smut, Tattoos, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27192317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clever_Girl_22/pseuds/Clever_Girl_22
Summary: Happy KakuHida Week 2020! It's always a treat to see our favorite zombies in love!
Relationships: Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 123
Collections: KakuHida Week





	1. October 25: Drunken Truths

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks, so the plan is to pick/write my favorite prompt for each day, then once I have the free time to add the second prompt choice as a second work. Enjoy :)

Kakuzu did not like to drink; in fact, he found the very notion of getting wasted for fun was deplorable. He used to go out drinking every night, when he was young, but now he was an adult with numerous responsibilities. Jobs to complete, accounting to finish, idiotic teammates to corral...it was embarrassing to even think he used to partake in such antics. Such activities were childish, yet a part of him wanted to forget the current headaches and hassles of the Akatsuki, so when Kisame and Sasori asked him if he wanted to go out with them that night, Kakuzu immediately said yes.

The trio had headed out in the dark to the Akatsuki's pub in Ame, and ordered a table with some sashimi and whiskey. It hadn't taken a lot of convincing to drag him out of their base, given Kakuzu needed a break from cleaning up after Deidara (an actual, litteral timebomb) or Tobi (the classic instigator) or Hidan (need he say anything?).

Hidan, oh he was the  _ worst _ . Absolutely loathsome. As of this week, the dumbass had cut limbs off three times, maxed-out the organization's recreational budget by purchasing a litter of stray puppies, and nearly killed Zetsu in an attempt to persuade a pagan community out in Hidden Sand that he was their god. It was a lot of stress.

Kisame and Sasori seemed to be in a good mood, chatting away as Kakuzu took small sips from his glass. Hidan always warned him he was a mess when he had too much, so for once he'd listen to the brat. He hated the thought of blathering something private to them; the idea of the others ever seeing him so low was motivation enough to stay sober. 

"Alright, Sasori, what do you got on our man Dei this week? Any terrorist attacks? Arson felonies?" Kisame questioned.

Sasori smiled smugly.

"Ah, not much. to contest with, I'm afraid," He said, "Although he  _ did _ steal roughly four tons of dynamite from Hidden Leaf." 

Kisame whistled, while Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Of course the little psychopath would do something that stupid. No wonder Sasori was an alcholic sometimes. 

"Oh, is that all? Itachi could top that; the kid managed to fell an entire legion of the Mizukage's finest shinobi...over a cherry blossom grove that construction was trying to chop down." He replied coyly.

"How many deaths?"

"Eh, fifty-four, give or take."

"...dammit."

Sasori bregrugedly tossed the sharkman some coins, which caught Kakuzu's immediate attention.

"What is this?" He asked, motioning at them with his finger.

Kisame grinned and dumped the money into his pocket.

"We come out here once a week to bet which troublesome partner of ours wrecked the most havoc," He explained, "As of right now, I'm on a three-week streak."

"That's because Deidara is too busy creating art to get unhinged over some trees." Sasori spat.

Kakuzu leaned back in his chair and sloshed his drink a bit. He'd be chasing pennies, but any money was good money. Besides, with his partner, he would win everytime. That was the one thing Kakuzu could depend on from Hidan: he always caused a good amount of chaos. Might as well make a little money off of it.

"That's nothing; my little Hidan killed at least a hundred people with that pagan shit earlier this week, and that was  _ before _ Zetsu decided to join in." Kakuzu boasted.

He pour himself another shot and knocked it back. He suddenly felt the urge to just let go of the week's hassles and  _ binge _ .

"Also, don't you two pretend that Hidan didn't just chop off his head not even six hours ago. I deserve a point for everything he minces himself."

"Tough; Itachi put a genjutsu on a grocery clerk because the poor guy couldn't show him where the tomatoes were."

"Well, Hidan got so drunk last weekend he tried to sacrifice the Salamander statue."

"Oh, please," Sasori leered, "That's not true!"

Kakuzu made an insulted face and motioned his hand outside.

"There's dents to prove it, Sasori no Danna." He sneered.

"Well, Deidara attacked not just the Kazekage, but his whole family over the purchase of one of his clay sculptures...he made sure the one he sold would explode upon return to the Sand's temperature change." 

"Oh really? Last time I checked, he made that all up to impress you." Kisame chuckled.

Kakuzu nodded and knocked glasses against Kisame. His head was starting to buzz and face flush; he must have had only four or so shots. He was out of practice, no doubt. 

"Hm, well, Deidara told me he's planning on setting fire to Tobi's room the next time he tries to touch him." Sasori rebuked.

Kisame held up a finger.

"Nuh-uh; that's only hearsay. We need proof." He objected.

Sasori stared down at his glass and smiled.

"So, then I suppose that meltdown last night over dinner where Itachi promised to kidnap every chicken in Ame to get the best eggs is hearsay too?" He retorted.

Kakuzu let out a low rumble of a laugh; Itachi, drunk as a skunk, had threaten to seek out every piece of poultry the night before in order to make the perfect dish of eggs after poor Tobi had burnt his. Meanwhile, Hidan and Deidara that very same night had agreed to head out to Hidden Cloud for the sole purpose of stealing some of Raikage's exclusive cannabis (they had left first thing in the morning). Their younger members were absolutely psychotic.

"Hey, don't pick on the kid. He's got a refined taste. Tobi deserved it." Kidsame objected.

Kakuzu snorted.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure that's what it's called. I'm sure all people with refined taste just casually threaten another man's life with a frying pan. Yes, Kisame, you're right; Itachi is the optimie of refined." Sasori snarked.

"Hey, last time I checked, Tobi was bothering your little snot of a partner too." 

"Yeah, but Deidara can handle it. One wayward touch and he'd be blown to smithereens."

"Tobi wouldn't even be stupid enough to touch my Hidan." Kakuzu bragged.

He could now smell how strong the whiskey was in his breath and his sentences where starting to slurs. Lazily, he tried to tally the amount of times he had refilled his glass, but even that was a little too hard for Kakuzu. 

_ 'Well, if you're going to get shit-faced, at least it's with these two.' _

"Besides, if Tobi ever did, I'd kill him." He continued.

Sasori didn't look up from his glass.

"And since when did you care about him?" He asked.

Kakuzu flustered and waved off the question.

"I do not care about that idiot." He said.

"Really, because I think you do, just how I care about Dei." Sasori said.

Kakuzu suddenly regretted coming down with them; he regretted the dinner, the drinks, the banter and arguably genuine conversation he was having with his teammates. 

"I swear I don't give a damn about the fool," He repeated, "Hidan is lazy, selfish, and absolutely sociopathic."

Kisame set down the chopsticks he had been gnawing on and leaned forward, bridging his fingertips together.

"Then why defend him?" He asked.

Kakuzu barked out a laugh and shook his head a little too hard.

"No. No, no; I see what you're going to do. Go play therapist with your genocidal partner." He said.

Kisame raised his hands in surrender.

"Alright, alright. Have it your way. It's actually quite nice having our partners on the same page emotionally."

Kakuzu sat and pondered the statement while Sasori and Kisame exchanged triumphant looks.

_ Did _ he care? Hidan probably didn't--if he did, he wouldn't worry Kakuzu sick over his whereabouts, or how he fasted too long too often, or when his post-ritual corpse looked just a little  _ too _ real for his partner's taste...no, he did not care about the immortal. Caring would mean he loved him in some sort of way, and that couldn't be true.

"And how do you show your partners you care for them, hm?" Kakuzu slurred, "Do you buy them flowers, tell them sweet-nothings in candlelight? Do help them plot their revenge against their villages that branded them as crazy people?"

Kisame chuckled and shook his head.

"No, it's not like that. You forget that Itachi and I aren't involved romantically--"

"Sure you aren't."

"--but I do find him quite endearing. He's been through a lot."

"And we don't do such frivolous things," Sasori added, "I for one show Deidara I care about him by critiquing his art and pointing out his flaws."

"But that is degrading. You two always bicker, anyways. That's not love." Kakuzu argued.

Sasori glared at him.

"And, please, tell me what exactly you call the conversations you two zombies have?" He asked.

Kakuzu was about to spit something back when Kisame held up a hand, rather boldly, he had to admit. Kakuzu was the eldest; he should be holding the position of authority.

"Continue, Sasori." Kisame motioned.

Sasori smirked at Kakuzu and continued.

"I critique him because I try to help him improve. Kakuzu, I am more or less a teacher to him. That is our dynamic: I care about him so that he can someday carry on my legacy, or maybe even surpass me."

It was a good point; the two artists did seem to learn from each other and Sasori always praised his younger partner when he felt it was warranted.

Kakuzu leant forward over the table and propped his face up with his hand, fingers digging into a few loose strands of hair. 

"Hidan is too childish to ever take any advice from me," He griped, "That brat wants nothing to do with me, anyways."

Kakuzu hated how he sounded; sniveling, bitchy, hopeless. He hated opening up; it was beneath him, really. Just like admitting that, deep down in one of his thumping hearts, a spot was reserved just for the Jashinist. But he'd never tell anyone that. He was supposed to be more mature than that. He was stoic, resilient, and unnerving. Kakuzu did not give in to intimate revelations.

"And what about you and Itachi?" He questioned, his gaze jerking towards Kisame.

The shark-man shrugged, rather sadly, he noticed.

"I am Itachi's guardian. That poor kid has gone through so much in his life and he's more wholesome than any of us here. He deserves the best, so that's why I care for him."

It was a valiant reply, duly noted, but Kakuzu saw it as too sweet. Maybe Kisame and Itachi deserved a chance at redemption--they were both still young in his eyes and could salvage their reputations. But him and Hidan...they were too far past whatever standards of redemption the Shinobi world had. They were criminals, monsters, even. They only had each other.

"I am lost without Hidan." Kakuzu whispered.

Surely, it was the alcohol talking. How could he even fathom himself relying on Hidan?

"Why might you say that?" Sasori asked.

Was it because of how Hidan always had his back? Was it because Hidan--despite being the absolute hazard he was to society--always made him laugh? Or was it due to more serious reason, like the how the only time Kakuzu ever knew his partner to shut up was when he needed to vent, or the one time Hidan stayed by his side during the Akatsuki's inventory rotation, where he diligently brought him papers and refilled his black coffee despite being as illiterate as a sack of rocks. 

Hidan was not was not who Kakuzu portrayed him to be, not really.

"Because," Kakuzu groaned as if expressing his truth feelings was a laborious feat, "Because I think I--"

_ 'You are a monster and monsters don't have feelings. Hidan is a monster and does not have feelings, especially for a thing like you.' _

"I...I think I might..."

_ 'You do not deserve caring or kindness or anything. You are not worthy of it.' _

The dull headache Kakuzu was harboring was continuing to grow and the whiskey he had started drinking from the bottle was beginning to make him nauseous. Meanwhile, Kisame and Sasori were staring at him intently, as if on the edge of their seats.

"I think I actually--"

**_Helloooooo dipshits! A little birdie name Tobi told us you were having a party out here!_ **

The front door slammed open so loud and so suddenly that Kakuzu felt a lurch in his stomach.

_ 'You are an old fool.' _ He chastised himself.

Hidan, Deidara, and a very cranky-looking Itachi had bursted in, smelling of booze and a sulfur-like smell that made Kakuzu's already wavering stomach do flips inside of him. 

"And what do you people think you're doing?" Sasori demanded, standing up, "Let the adults have a little time off for once."

"Come on, no Danna! We stole some of Hidden Cloud's special gin, hn, and wanted to share it with you guys!" Deidara exclaimed.

He slammed a bottle down on the table and immediately began setting up shots.

"What have you all been up to?" Itachi asked.

Kakuzu felt Kisame gaze at him and groaned.

"It's messy, kiddo. Just be thankful I don't do this to you."

The younger members soon persuaded their elders to join in, passing around the exquisite bottle, laughing and jeering at each other. The whole time, Kakuzu couldn't take his eyes off of his partner; Hidan had left with no plan, no money, and not a weapon in sight. The more he thought of it, Kakuzu had actually, genuinely been worried for him!

He grabbed a stray hand of Hidan's and tugged him for attention.

"Hidan."

"Yeah, one sec; we gotta set up the glass arrangements for Itachi's Fire-Style trick."

"Hidan, please, I need--"

"Jeez, Kuzu, need me to get you your walker or something? Hang on a bit."

_ "Hidan." _

His partner finally turned to him and gave him an impatient but puzzled look. 

"Has he been like this all night?" Hidan asked.

Both Kisame and Sasori shrugged.

"Pretty much, yeah." The puppet-man said.

Kakuzu watched Hidan produce an exaggeratedly long sigh and drag out the chair next to him, plopping into it.

"Alright, what'd you tell them this time?" He asked, wearing a grin that Kakuzu found both infuriating and enamoring at the same time.

"Huh?" He replied.

"Whenever you get drunk, you spill some type of juicy secret," Hidan laughed, "What? Did you tell them about the tattoo?"

Now Deidara and Itachi sat down, reigned in by the potential good story that was about to take place. Slowly, Kakuzu started to piece the statement together.

"Which one?" He asked warily.

Hidan laughed even harder.

"Y'know...the one the prostitute gave you back during the Second War."

The table erupted with laughter as Kakuzu barely registered Hidan's next moves: he proceeded to bend down, lift the immortal's tank-top up, and beckoned the others to come see. A chorus of responses followed.

"Oh, yes, very nice, Kakuzu. Very manly."

"It looks pretty crude, though."

"Shut up, no Danna! Look at it! Hn, it was done in a moment of passion!"

"You actually paid someone for this?"

"Actually," Hidan explained, "Kakuzu had someone pay  _ him _ for this; some chick wanted to test her skills and this bastard needed the cash."

"But what even is it?" Itachi mused.

"It's supposed to be a little waterfall." Kakuzu answered miserably.

He couldn't believe Hidan; first, he ran off unprepared, then he comes back bringing the rest of their idiotic teammates in the middle of the night to trash this poor bar, and then he has the gall to mock him in front of the other men. Hidan  _ was _ the worst.

"Hey, Kuzu, don't worry, I'll get you home now." Hidan then assured.

The smaller partner was starting to get him up to his feet when Kakuzu blurted:

"I care about you, you moron. Do you know that?"

Hidan smiled and nodded, yanking him upright and walking.

"Yes, I do. You say so every time you're shit-faced. I wish you'd fucking say it when you were sober, though." Hidan said pleasantly.

Kakuzu's mind was starting to fog up, and while the others protested, he was glad Hidan was dragging them both back to base. He was a mess--he should have never buckled down to Kisame and Sasori's pestering. If he hadn't, Kakuzu wouldn't be in this position, nauseous, weepy, and totally under the thumb of his partner. 

"It's good to say shit, y'know," Hidan was saying as they trudged back, "I've only known how you feel about me from nights like this. Makes me think we could be something more."

When they arrived back at the building, they both quietly slipped in, careful not to disturbed the others who were still asleep. If Konan knew what they were up to, she'd probably kill them all, or at least unleash a paper-induced beatdown. When they reached their room, Hidan helped Kakuzu into bed, careful to not jerk him or do anything to further his nausea. He was just about to leave when Kakuzu, once again, grabbed his arm.

"Please, I do care about you." He whispered.

It was a vulnerability he did not like in him, only revealing itself when he was intoxicated. How deplorable. But stil...

"Fine, the boys are gonna miss me, but I'm sure those fuckturds can manage." Hidan replied, heading towards his own bed.

Kakuzu made a guttural noise and motioned for him to lay next to him. Hidan gave him a doubtful look.

"Sharing? You? Since when?"

"Since I wanted us to be something more."

Kakuzu could kick himself for how needy he sounded.

"...scooch over, ya heathen. Make way for the big spoon!"

"As if."

"Hey, clearly you are not cognitively functioning well enough, telling people how much you love me and shit."

"I do not love you."

"Heh, right."

"I care about you."

"And I care about you. Go to sleep, you big, ol' softie."


	2. October 26: Domesticity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: This fic, and a handful of others that appears in this piece, are cut, unused scenes from a multi-chapter Akatsuki (College-AU) piece. I just wanted to clarify this as these are still fresh fics I edited and evolved in order to fit for KakuHida Week prompts (they are basically deleted scenes I wanted to use but fit this work better and will not be reused). 
> 
> That being said, I hope these little promos inspire you to one day come back and read my bigger project; i love it and hope to publish it sometime after KakuHida Week and The Akatsuki Gift Exchange.
> 
> Enjoy some fluff ;)

  
  


"Come on! It'll be fun!"

"Absolutely not."

"But you're gonna look great!"

"No. I don't trust anything coming from you."

"Just try them, at least, dipshit."

Hidan and Kakuzu were standing in the middle of the men's department at some boujee clothing outlet in Paris; Hidan had convinced his partner to join him during their summer break, being that Kakuzu's birthday was coming up and Hidan's mother owned an estate on in the countryside. It took a lot of convincing--both from Hidan and his mother--but eventually Kakuzu relented. He'd never been farther than Konoha University or the ranch back in New Mexico, so he jumped at the opportunity to travel. Besides, Hidan had promised to pay for the round-trip, which he wouldn't turn up for the world.

"Here, let's try this too." Hidan said, throwing yet another blazer into his arms.

Kakuzu looked over the acid-washed denim he now had in his hands and smirked. Hidan was always stylish; the brand-new shirts, the tight-ass pants (that looked  _ so _ damn good on him), his ever-present leather jacket; Hidan always looked good, even when he didn't try. So, Kakuzu couldn't help but be a tad bit jealous. He knew he was hot--Hidan told him all the time--but he never could afford to look the part. He really only owned a handful of clothes, all which were often converted into his work outfit back home. Hidan must have known this, since he teased him all the time about it.

"Doesn't this look a little too small?" Kakuzu asked, holding the piece up with one hand to examine it fully.

Hidan rolled his eyes and grabbed a bigger size.

"Suit yourself, beefcake." Was all he said.

Hidan had already dragged them both to his favourite shoe outlet and his favourite hair salon ("You look handsome as  _ fuck _ with buzzed sides!"), so it really was only natural that they'd end up here, smelling of expensive cologne and wine. 

That was something else too; Hidan was paying for everything: the meals, the tourist visits, the  _ very _ explicit set of toys they bought for their hotel, all of it. Not just the plane tickets, or cab fees, but  _ everything _ . Kakuzu knew he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart, but a tiny voice inside him told him that his partner was rubbing in his wealth. Hidan came from an extremely wealthy family, his father living out in Wales as a Cardinal of the Protestant Church and his mother living in Paris as a fashion executive. Besides the brief reign of terror at their campus' Starbucks, Hidan had never worked a day in his life and mooched off his parents (more accurately, off his father; Hidan never asked his mother for money and would feel extremely guilty whenever she gave him a deposit). In contrast, the only thing Kakuzu had ever received from his mother was a small set of dog toys when they first adopted the four hounds at home. He couldn't even count on his father to visit Navajo, more or less pay for anything.

Money was two separate entities for Hidan and Kakuzu.

"Hidan, these look expensive." Kakuzu chastised.

"Hell yeah they are!" Hidan said, shoving him the direction of a fitting room, "Gotta get the best clothes for my man, y'know?"

Hidan steered his partner into a room and started hanging up the pile he grabbed, making a clear distinction between the clothes he picked out for Kakuzu and the clothes he picked out for himself. He quickly locked the door and started to undress. Kakuzu gave him a startled look.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Getting naked, try and keep up."

"No. Go get your own space."

"Eat me, fucker, I got clothes to try on too."

"I already did last night; go try stuff on elsewhere. I don't want people to get ideas."

"What? That the sexy albino kid and the hot Mexican-Native-mixed guy are fucking in the Comptoir de Hommes fitting rooms?"

"No; that the two dumbass tourists are causing an inappropriate scene in the Comptoir de Hommes fitting rooms."

"Aw, come on, Kuzu, don't be such a wet blanket. I just wanna watch you try on the outfits I picked out for you."

Hidan grinned as Kakuzu locked the door behind him and sighed--he had been defeated. He then threw himself onto a present stool and pulled his phone out, ready to take as many pictures as he could for his platforms. 

"Alright, which one first?" 

Hidan presented a pair of distressed black jeans with a handful of chains attached. Kakuzu gave him a dubious look , but Hidan was already posing in front of the mirror with a deep v-neck.

"There's holes in them." He said.

"Well, yeah, that's the look. The vibe, if you will." Hidan replied.

Kakuzu fished for the price tag and his eyes widened.

"They're almost $300."

"So?"

"They have holes in them."

"Well, that's because it's part of the trend."

"I can tear holes into my old ones at home."

"What? No! All mine got rips in them and they're exclusively from here!"

"So? I could just tear yours too, if you want."

"Tear them off, you mean."

Hidan giggled at the disappointed expression on Kakuzu's face and leant back.

"Just try them on, please. For me?" He urged.

"Fine." Kakuzu sighed.

He slipped out of his jeans and jacket, earning a dogged whistle from his partner. Hidan just loved staring at him, all the time, every waking minute he could. He was probably the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. 

_ 'Heh, Kuzu's  _ _ ass _ _ is art.' _ He thought smugly.

His partner, now only in some briefs, gave him a disgruntled look and pulled the pair up.

"What do you think?" 

Hidan let out a lower hum in response.

"Mmm, like a fucking  _ treat _ ," He crowed, "Damn, you're ass looks good!"

Hidan couldn't ignore the small, satisfied smirk on Kakuzu's lips, watching him turn and examine himself in the dingy dressing mirror. 

"And why do you like this pair so much, hm? Doesn't my ass look good in all my other jeans?" He mused.

Hidan was already on his knees, taking snaps on his phone as he maneuvered for the perfect angle.

"Well, shit, of course you do," He replied between shots, "I just think black jeans look  _ exceptionally _ ravishing on you."

"Hmm, big words; I see you are trying to seduce me once again." Kakuzu murmured.

He took one last, wistful glance at himself in the mirror, waited for Hidan to finish, and began to undress.

"Hey, I seduced your ass way before I started pulling out the fancy vocab." Hidan retorted.

He tossed Kakuzu an extremely colorful shirt and started to change out of his own clothes.

"I don't recall what happened at Kisame's party as 'seducing', Hidan."

"Hey, that was, like, what? Two years ago? I've seduced you plenty since then."

Kakuzu and Hidan both attended Konoha University, a prestigious college out in New York, where they had both been members of The Akatsuki Fraternity. Once, they were surly and disagreeable roommates, but now they were inseparable. Between the trauma of their first semester together, the equally dysfunctional families, and the loss of the founding fraternity members, they managed to stay together. Sure, there were plenty of ups and  _ plenty _ of downs, but they made it work. And now, both going into their senior year as undergrads, they were happy. Truly, blissfully happy, despite the current bickering.

"I don't like this one." Kakuzu decided.

Hidan tipped down the aviator sunglasses he had thrown onto his face--price tag still attached--and scowled.

"What do you mean? That's Prada, my man, finest shit there is."

"It's too girly."

Hidan motioned for him to twirl around, observing the shirt. It was made of some type of satin and clung to practically every muscle in Kakuzu's shoulders and back.

"Well, it suits you, then."

"And what makes you think that?" Kakuzu asked.

Hidan waggled his eyebrows.

"Cuz I can top your ass anytime I want!"

He stuck his tongue out and spat a curse as Kakuzu lightly shoved at him.

"It's too expensive; next."

Hidan made an exaggerated sigh and handed his partner another shirt, taking time to rapidly snap pictures of his shirtless companion. Kakuzu smirked.

"Why so many pics? Worried I might run away?" Kakuzu teased.

Hidan waved away the question.

"Psh, as if. You're tied down whether you like it or not."

Kakuzu crouched down into a squat to meet Hidan's eye-level.

"And why's that?" He leered.

Because," Hidan bent forward as if to kiss him, "You're a gold digger!"

Hidan erupted into laughter, but before he could dip out of the way, Kakuzu grabbed his face and held him for a kiss. It was a little rough, but Hidan liked it; Kakuzu just wasn't accustomed to finesse, that's all. But Hidan could show him any time he wanted to. They stayed there for a moment, kissing and lightly nipping at each other's lips, Hidan's hand slowly sliding down Kakuzu's skin and thubbing at his scars. Life had really done a number on them, but they were fine. Besides, they had always been stronger together.

Kakazu gave Hidan one last playing bite and stood up, his hand outstretched for another shirt. This time, the blazer-esce piece of clothing had a prong in the middle, loosely clasped it shut. Besides this, it was completely opened in the front.

"So, any thoughts?" Hidan asked as Kakuzu held it in front of him.

"It looks like one of the mariachi shirts my father used to wear at my age." He said bluntly.

Hidan gave him an open-mouth smile and some finger-guns.

"See, what did I tell you; I can be culturally inclined!"

"You mean culturally inclined to stereotype me."

"Well, when you put it that way, sheesh."

Kakuzu pulled it over his head and clasped the prongs shut, the shirt as equally clingy as his partner's gaze.

"Sweet Jashin, you look good in everything, don't you?" He said.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and had an immediate urge to take it off, but Hidan tried to stop him.

"Woah, woah, man. What's wrong with this one? It's Versace! You like a fucking God in it!" He protested.

Kakuzu shrugged him away and continued to pull at it, but the fabric was so slippery and sticky he couldn't budge it. He was starting to get flustered.

"Hey, Kuzu, slow down! I got this." 

Hidan's nimble fingers worked away at the button and immediately freed his partner, who practically flung the shirt off.

"It didn't fit." He grumbled.

"Well, no shit, Sherlock, but why'd you freak out?"

Hidan grabbed at Kakuzu's hand.

"I didn't like it." He replied gruffly.

"Obviously. And why's that, huh?" Hidan asked.

"...you can see all the scars on my chest."

It was true; the scarring--all those horribly jagged lines--left from Kakuzu's life before probation and university etched across the shirt's opening like train tracks. Hidan felt his heart die a little--all this time, and he still saw himself as inferior. Hidan gave his partner a tight squeeze and handed him a new bundle.

"Here, try this, then."

It was a simple white t-shirt, identical to all the other ones Kakuzu had at home. Although, this one in particular was $85...but it also was clean. And picked out by Hidan. Kakuzu pulled in over his head immediately, receiving a small sigh from his partner.

"Oh, wow, fucking beautiful. Absolutely fucking  _ gorgeous _ ," He chattered, grabbing the jeans from earlier, "Here try these, but cuff em, and lemme grab that army green jacket I had earlier...oh you're going to look  _ incredible _ ."

Hidan bounced off the dressing room walls as he grabbed the articles of choice and pushed them all into Kakuzu's chest. He smiled, opened his mouth as if to say something, but grabbed Hidan by the arm instead.

"Wait out here." He ordered, pushing him towards the door.

"Hmm, surprising me? Oh, Kakuzu, you're such a flirt!" Hidan cooed.

Kakuzu grinned and closed the door, Hidan listening to the rustling from within. He pulled a lollipop from his trouser pocket and gnawd at it.

_ 'I love seeing him in a good mood.' _ He thought gaily, swiping through the photos he had taken so far. 

This was his treat towards Kakuzu; an early birthday gift, moreso. Hidan knew Kakuzu came from nothing, so he was planning on giving him everything he could this summer to make up for every shitty day, the ones caused by both him and by others before. Kakuzu deserved so much more than he had been given in life, and Hidan wanted to restore everything good in him he could. He cared about the bastard, anyways.

"Ready." Kakuzu called.

Hidan pushed open the door.

"Alright, let's see the man of the hour! Tell me, on a scale of one to a thousand, how fucking sexy do you think you look right--"

Hidan stood and stared, his eyes gazing up and down his partner. Kakuzu stood, forward-facing him, his hands in his pockets. The white t-shirt made the green over jacket pop and highlight his dark skin, giving his emerald-like eyes an even fiercer gaze. The jeans were cuffed so perfectly, Hidan had never seen anything so symmetrical in his life, and were graced by the boots Hidan caught Kakuzu picking out earlier. A few stray bangs peeked out of his tightly braided hair, framing his face.

"I'm taking it that you like the outfit?" Kakuzu asked.

Hidan edged closer and looked up at him, eyes meeting.

"Kakuzu, do you see us in your future?" He asked.

He knew it was a spontaneous--Hell, uncomfortably abrupt--question, but he needed to know.

"Do you see us, like, together? Because I can take a look at you at any time and want to cook with you, fold laundry with you, or go berate the pharmacist with you. I want you with me every day, I guess, so what do you think?"

Kakuzu seemed to be processing his words, and for a brief moment, Hidan was scared. Still, he stood his ground, wearing the look of pure determination Kakuzu cherished so much in him.

"Well, if we're talking about cooking, I'll take a pass." He said coyly.

Hidan gasped, but Kakuzu held a finger to his lips.

"Don't--throwing some dinosaur chicken nuggets onto a plate of microwaved macaroni and cheese is not creative." he said.

Hidan groaned and pulled him into a hug.

"So that's a yes? You'll live with me?" He repeated.

" _ You _ will live with  _ me _ ; I want to pay for an apartment. We can both pay, actually." Kakuzu stated.

He placed a kiss on Hidan's head.

"Fine, fine, just no cheap shit. After today's events, I know you're a bitch of  _ expensive _ tastes." Hidan sneered.

Hidan and Kakuzu finished trying on clothes and hauled their treasures off to the front clerk, paying a rather hefty bill and heading out to find a cab.

"Come on, let's do a photoshoot in our new clothes; make those art bitches back home jealous of our swag." Hidan suggested.

He pulled them both out of the taxi and into a nearby park, completely arrogant of the traffic around him. If Kakuzu believed in a God, he'd absolutely be praying for their life. After what felt like forever, Hidan finally let them move on with their day, having captured almost two dozen or so photographs on his phone.

"Let's get something to eat!" 

"Okay, but you're buying."

"Bitch, I've been buying this whole time!"

"And you said that was my birthday gift; tell me, where can we find the nearest evening sit-downs in Paris?"

"Oh, you cree, old bastard. Ready to admit you're a gold digger now, eh?"

"Your words, not mine."

Hidan's favorite picture, out of the whole day, would be one where Kakuzu was sitting on a bench. The couple had stopped another passerby to take a picture of them, and the woman had gotten the sweetest scene: Hidan, bent over him, concentrating hard and tying Kakuzu's hair up into a bun. Kakuzu, on the other hand, was caught mid laugh, his eyes crinkling up along with Hidan's open-mouth smile. 

Whatever happened, they would be stronger together. That, for sure, was certain.


	3. October 27: Bad Neighbors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little crack...I bet Konan makes really good pies ;)

Sasori sat at the kitchen table, staring out through the sliding glass door. Outside, the leaves were turning under the arrival of Fall, showering his little backyard with flecks of orange, brown, and red. Among the leaves and fallen branches, squirrels were frolicking about and birds were singing; it was a beautiful morning. Deidara came up behind him and pulled a chair next to him.

"What are you doing, hn?" He asked.

"Oh, you know, waiting for the circus to arrive." Sasori replied.

"Huh?"

As if on cue, the pair could hear the sound of a massive stereo being plugged into an aux cord. The serene scene outside immediately shattered as obnoxiously loud music rattled through the air. Deidara automatically covered his ears.

" _ That _ , my dear Deidara, is the circus." Sasori called over the ruckus, "I can't wait to see how Kakuzu responds today."

**********************************

"Christ, can you just not be an asshole for  _ one _ day?" 

Kakuzu was also sitting by his kitchen table, a cup of black coffee in his hand. Ever the early-morning riser, he'd woken up at 4:45 AM sharp, dressed and groomed, walk the dogs, finished up some accounting, had his typical breakfast of coffee and more coffee, and had just sat down to review his client's tax evasion claims when a heinous noise erupted from his neighbor's backyard. Kakuzu glanced at his watch and frowned.

_ '7:15 AM, once again. The nerve of this punk. _ ' He thought.

The 'punk' that Kakuzu was referring to was Hidan, the newest resident on Daybreak Avenue. Allegedly, he had just moved in from Yugikare after some legal trouble and had, to the other man's dismay, bought the house right next to him. The kid was a typical delinquent: got his mail and newspaper in underwear, had house parties every weekend, always threw his recycling in the green trash bin instead of the blue recycling bin; Hidan was the worst. And now Kakuzu could add blaring loud music first thing in the morning to the growing list of complaints.

Kakuzu took his reading glasses off the bridge of his nose and put both hands on his face. It seemed impossible, but the music got louder. He'd have to put an end to Hidan's shenanigans.

"Hey, brat!" He shouted, slamming the porch door open and stalking out, "What the Hell are you doing right now?"

Hidan's yard, as always, was a mess: plastic cups and beer cans were strewn everywhere, a ping pong table was tipped over, and a pair of massive speakers were vibrating so vigorously, he swore they were going to bounce right into the pool. And in that same pool floated Hidan, a pina colada in one hand and a Bible in the other. The younger man looked up from his reading material.

"Oh, hey Kuzu! Didn't hear you come out!" He screamed cheerfully.

"That's because you probably burst your eardrums!" Came the reply.

Hidan laughed and returned his attention to his book.

"Oh, please, nothing like a little Beastie Boys to fresh up in the morning! It's better than your old-ass piano music you play constantly." He snarked.

Kakuzu, now standing in front of the dividing fence, scowled and put his hands on his hips.

"My music is far superior to yours; turn this off. If you haven't already done so, you'll wake the whole damn subdivision." He ordered.

Hidan leant back on his floatie and stuck his tongue out at Kakuzu.

"Like Jashin I will!" He declared, "If you don't want to have a friendly conversation like  _ normal _ neighbors, please and ever so kindly fuck the absolute fuck off."

With that, Hidan shimmied his flotatie across the waters and towards the pool deck where his sound system rested. He turned the volume knob even higher, glanced back to make sure Kakuzu was watching. The older man threw his hands up in defeat.

"Fine, but when public safety gets a complaint, don't be too shocked when you end up in jail." Kakuzu called back through gritted teeth.

"Hah, like you actually have the balls to call them!" Hidan spat back.

Kakuzu turned.

"Is that a threat? Because I could get you booted out of here on a harassment lawsuit." He threatened.

Hidan rolled his eyes, but didn't look up from his Bible.

_ 'Like Hell you will, heathen.' _ He thought.

He watched Kakuzu swat his hand in his direction and grouse off and into his house. Before he closed the door, Hidan titled back in his floatie.

"Hey," He jeered, "As Mike D. said:  _ "My style is wild and you know that it still is!" " _

A guitar rift blared through the speaker as Hidan howled with laughter, ignoring the vengeful-looking Kakuzu stalk back into his house. Tomorrow wouldn't be just another battle; it would be the start of an all-out war.

************************

The rest of the day went by smoothly, Hidan spending most of it in his pool and relaxing in the balmy spring weather. He enjoyed his little confrontation with Kakuzu, and was already cooking up a potentially newer scheme. He could pirate Kakuzu's Wi-Fi, or hide his mail, or send him two or twenty-something of those sweet little nuns that always seemed to interrupt at the worst time (although, they might actually do the bastard some good, given that the only thing he believed in was money, of all things). Hidan could picture it: the angry, aghast face his neighbor always made, the way he would launch into some boring lector (shit, the guy  _ was _ old enough to be Hidan's dad) about how irresponsible Hidan was or how inconsiderate Hidan was or disrespectful Hidan was. Kakuzu always seemed to talk down to him.

But Hidan didn't care; Kakuzu was no angel himself. The old miser had his own oddities: the constant howling and barking of his hounds, the lame-ass instrumental music he'd play whenever he sat outside, the way he refused to contribute in any of the street's weekly potluck events that Konan and Nagato hosted. No, Kakuzu deserved what was coming to him, Hidan just needed time to devise a proper plan...

"I'll bust out some Eminem for sure." Hidan mused aloud.

Kakuzu hated rap; always told Hidan it hurt his ears and his IQ. Hidan always told him to shove his IQ up his ass. It would kick things off nicely in the morning.

Hidan crawled out of his clothes and split-naked-into bed, but soon hopped out. He had to finish some prayers.

"Jashin, my Lord and Love," He murmured as he squatted to his knees, "Please give me the cunning and conscious state of compatibility to pull off all my fuckery for the next few days...sincerely, you're number-one devout subject."

He murmured a few more homilies, said thanks, and bounced back into bed. Tomorrow, he'd be up again ready to strike.

The nighttime breeze from Hidan''s open window was suddenly pierced by the low and tangy sound of a piano tuning. For a moment, Hidan thought he was dreaming, but soon he realized that it wasn't his imagination but something outside his window.

"Oi, can't a man fucking sleep?" He yelled out, sticking his head out the window to confront the culprit.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I being too loud?"

It was a quarter after one in the morning and Kakuzu, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt and some expensive-looking pajama pants, sat on his porch. In front of him stood a keyboard of some sorts, although the sound coming from it was far more powerful than any keyboard Hidan had ever heard. 

"Whatever happened to 'be quiet you'll wake the whole subdivision’, hm?" Hidan barked.

Kakuzu merely shrugged and continued to play, the melody of whatever piece he was working swelling into the night. 

"Sorry, Hidan, I can't hear you; you know, me being so old and forgetting my hearing aids upstairs." He called out.

Hidan was boiling with anger and leaned out further, his albino skin luminescent in the starlight.

"Bitch, at least I was playing something fucking iconic! What is this, elevator music?" He cried.

"It's Canon in D."

"What?"

"It's one of the most famous piano pieces ever written."

"Well,  _ excuse _ me, Mr. Fancy-pants, Canon-you please stop? I'm tryna get some sleep!"

Kakuzu smirked in the dark, but kept playing.

"As was I this morning!"

Hidan roared a few curses and slammed his window shut. It looked like this round went to Kakuzu.

********************************

Kakuzu awoke the next more to absolutely nothing. Pure, bliss, quiet nothing. Hidan must have given up.

_ ‘Of course the little snot did.’ _ He told himself.

He got dressed and cleaned himself, up, heading straight down to let the dogs out. Only then did he notice his fence.

"Son of a bitch!"

A muffled thumping noise could now be heard, coming from the direction of Hidan's house. Sure enough, the little prick was standing on his back porch, proud and shirtless as usual. He held a spray can in one hand.

"Good morning, dear neighbor, what do you think of the paintjob?" He sneered, "Thought I might help you out a bit, since spending money is always so...hard for you."

Kakuzu's fence, usually painted a pristine shade of eggshell-white, was layered with neon green and dark blue graffiti. The art consisted of crude drawings, curse words, tiny dicks, and a rather unsettling triangular symbol that was sprayed on in red. Kakuzu almost sank to his knees, he was so shocked. Hidan grinned triumphantly.

"I'll make you pay for damages." Kakuzu threatened.

"Yeah, yeah, because you're a lawyer and you know how that stuff works." Hidan mocked.

"I seriously am, though."

"Sure you are."

"But I am!"

"Yeah; you're obsessed with money anyways, makes sense if you were like one of those blasphemous pigs."

"Better than to be obsessed with some imaginary God!" Kakuzu spat, recollecting himself and heading for the back door.

"You heathen!"

"Ingrate!

"Blasphemous pig!"

"Foolish child!"

*********************************

Kisame woke up to growling the next morning. Outside, the sun was shining and the air smelled like camomile tea; Itachi must have already gotten up. Kisame sighed, threw on some sweat pants and a tank, and padded downstairs. Itachi was in the kitchen, bent over an almost complete breakfast.

"Ah, I love when you cook." Kisame yawned.

Itachi smiled and went to set up the kitchen table.

"I might as well try; you are better, I'm sure, however." He replied cheerily.

Together, they sat down to eat, only to be interrupted by growling once more.

"Did you feed Samehada?" Itachi asked.

"Oh, please, you know piranhas don't growl." Kisame joked, "It's probably the two idiots at each other's throats again."

Itachi hummed in agreement, then nodded at the porch window.

"Looks like you might be right."

**************************************

Hidan came outside to examine his handiwork once more (he really had put a lot of effort into some of the drawings) and was shocked to see not just the graffiti gone, but the entire fence as well. All of it--the entire perimeter--had disappeared overnight. What stood in its place were four humongous, monstrous-looking dogs.

"I see you've noticed a change in my security system." Kakuzu announced.

He stood behind the brigade, arms crossed victoriously. Hidan flopped his mouth open, then closed. The dogs growled even louder.

"Don't worry, they won't harm you," Kakuzu smirked, "That is, unless you try to 'touch them up' with some more of your artwork. Then I cannot promise what will happen to you."

One dog, arguably the largest let loose a deep  _ woof _ , causing Hidan to flinch. Still, he stood his ground.

"And here you were trying to pin  _ me _ with a harassment lawsuit!" He jeered.

He then turned on his heels and headed inside.

"Just know, Kakuzu, you got a war on your hands now." He said ominously, and with that, he shut his porch door with a slam.

Kakuzu grunted and whistled for the dogs to heel. 

"Yeah, just try me." He mumbled.

*************************************

The next week brought on new battles, then the next, then the next. Hidan and Kakuzu were at each other's throats constantly, either shouting insults across their yards or squaring off from their respective porches. Both refused to yield and neither would left the other back off just yet. It was a battle for dominance, and it was starting to irritate Konan.

"We shouldn't invite them to the barbecue this weekend." She said one day.

Nagato was in the laundry room folding bedsheets, peeking his head out.

"You sure? It could breed animosity between them?" He suggested.

Konan sighed and flipped lazily through the pages of her book. She'd give them one last chance.

"Fine," She resented, "But if anything else happens they're banned this year."

Nagato smiled and gave her a thumbs-up sign.

"I'll mail out invitations this morning."

********************************

It was the big day.

Hidan was ready to launch his biggest attack yet; an entire frontal assault of stink bombs and paint bombs. He had enlisted Deidara in the planning, and was finishing up the final touches when he heard a commotion outside.

Kakuzu was getting ready to launch his own attack as well.

"Show time, motherfuckers."

Hidan narrowed his eyes and slung the patriot gun he had borrowed from Tobi, loading it with his evil concoctions. Once he unleashed this, Kakuzu would never talk down on him again, that was certain. Hidan front-kicked the porch door open and stomped out side, the black bandana he tied around his neck coming his nose and mouth from potential shrapnell.

"Alright, you fuckturd!" He called, "Come on out so I can beat that brown, money-grabbing ass of yours once and for all!"

He scanned the premise; it was quiet.  _ Too _ quiet, if he was being honest. Hidan began circling around the area where the fence used to be--No Man's Land, now--and kept his eyes alert.

"Come out, fucker, come on out." He kept mumbling to himself.

Suddenly, he saw him: Kakuzu was wearing a sports tank and combat boost, his hair tied in a tight ponytail. He also was some type of a launcher--probably the s-shirt shooter Zetsu had stolen back in college--and was creeping his way. Suddenly, Hidan broke out into a maniacal, uncontrollable laugh.

"Isn't this  _ fun _ ?" He shrieked, "Like, face it, Kuzu, we're basically bonding at this point."

"Yes, yes property damage is just so invigorating, Hidan." Kakuzu called back sarcastically.

They continued to creep closer until they were only a few feet away. Both took aim at each other.

"Aren't you going to back down?" Kakuzu asked with a smirk.

"Hah, I never back down!" Hidan gunauwffed.

"Heh, me neither."

Hidan's smile suddenly softened.

They really weren't so much different; sure they were in the middle of a relatively intense fight, but it was all in fun, right?

Hidan slowly lowered his gun.

"Hey, did you get an invitation to Konan cand Nagato's house this weekend?" He asked. 

Kakuzu looked suspicious. Was he luring him in? Waiting for a cheap shot?

"Yes, but I never go to their things." He replied.

Hidan abruptly stuck his hand out.

"Wanna go together?"

Kakazu continued to stare down at the outreached hand, but eventually took it.

"Only if you're the one paying for our hostess plate." He bargained.

"You fucking cheapskate." Hidan sighed.

They looked at the ammunition they still were carrying.

"I can't believe I actually wasted money on these childish things." Kakzu grumbed.

Hidan waggled one of his eyebrows.

"Who's to say you didn't waste them? I'll call Dei, Sasori and Tobi up; you get the others, and we can actually make something outta this turf war." He suggested.

Kakuzu grinned evilly.

"You aren't as stupid as I thought you were, huh."

"That's me; full of surprises.Just like this!"

Hidan smashed a painted bomb against Kakuzu's chest, spurting purple and orange everywhere. Kakuzu stared down with hooded eyes.

"Oh, you wouldn't dare."

Hidan took off immediately, Kakuzu in tow.

Maybe they really weren't so different after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fun!


	4. October 28: Ancient Terrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is my favorite Hidan head-cannon >;)

One week.

Hidan had been a member for one week.

Honestly, he was thrilled. The Akatsuki were welcoming enough, considering they were a band of cold-blooded mercenaries and he almost killed a few members  _ and _ put a hole through his soon-to-be partner. Really, if they wanted to test his abilities, they should have turned him loose on some Jashin-forsaken village like his own. There, he could  _ really _ show them how skilled he was. He didn't want to have had to sacrifice any of them yet!

The Akatsuki had assigned him to probably one of the most interesting members: Kakuzu. He'd never heard of the guy; some washed-up shinobi from Takigakure that was apparently the organization's self-appointed treasurer. Hidan wasn't impressed, to say the least.

Hidan's partner proved to be everything the immortal despised in life; he was greedy, grumpy, and had the freakiest eyes he'd ever seen. It's like the guy was inhuman or something. But, then again, Hidan had no right to judge that.

Currently, Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting by a fire, deep in the woods of some uncharted Fire country. They had been charged with their first task as a team: go and collect the Seven-Tails, Yu, or whoever the fuck that was. Hidan didn't really care who this unfortunate person was, or what exactly these Tailed-Beasts were going to be used for; he just cared about the killing. That's all he needed from them--the opportunity to kill. It was necessary, if he wanted to keep his little charade up.

"Oi, can we get something to eat?" He asked.

Kakuzu was busy reading a map, not caring to look up.

"Go get something yourself." He barked.

"Where? We're in the middle of the fucking woods!" Hidan spat back.

This earned him a curt shrug and no reply. The audacity of this man; if only he knew who he really was sitting with. 

"Fine, fuckturd, guess I'll go find something myself. Not like I have any chakra to help, like you do."

"You have a scythe; go use your farmer's tool to bludgeon something to death or cut a swath of wheat. There's agricultural land a few miles from here."

"It's not a farmer's tool, ya heathen!" Hidan snapped. 

He threw his hands in the air and stomped off, leaving Kakuzu alone by their camp. Honestly, the old creep was testing him: rude, bitchy, unbearably old; Hidan was over his partner the minute he laid eyes on him. Still, Kakuzu was a curiosity to him. Sure, the bastard wasn't of the same immortal calibre as him, but he was a rarity. Hidan knew kakuzu was an admirable fighter and tough as Hell; it was the sole reason he decided to let the guy live in the first place. Kakuzu didn't know it, but Hidan could kill him on a whim. 

Hidan pushed past more shrubs and quickly became more frustrated. Of course nothing would be out this late at night! Hidan, spurred by an itch for violence, twirled his scythe in his hands and swung it sideways at a nearby tree. The poor sapling was instantly cut clean in half.

"Fucking Hell!" Hidan screamed, "I just need something to fucking  _ eat _ !"

Hidan could feel something rising in him, his primal identity, no doubt, clawing at his current illusion. He was a God! He shouldn't have to scavenge for food in some damp and dark woods. Hidan let loose another stream of curses and swung his weapon again, this time vertically. He bifurcated the massive oak in front of him,and was met with a pleasant surprise: grubs. Oodles and oodles of grubs.

"Fuck, yes, finally." He cried, bending down where the clump of insects laid. Over the past few millennium, he Hidan had learned to not be picky; sure they weren't the grand sacrificial banquets he used to receive in the olden days, but this was good enough. Besides, grubs actually tasted like chicken, if he really needed another reason why to eat them. Carefully, Hidan drew a cloth from his trouser pockets and began to toss the grubs in, occasionally plucking one and popping it into his mouth. They were surprisingly warm (probably from being so deeply burrowed) and tasted of fresh wood, which Hidan had to admit he rather liked. 

_ 'I'll save Kakuzu some, that ungrateful heathen.' _ He decided.

He picked out the last few stragglers and tied up the cloth, ready to head back.

_ 'You should show him. Tonight.' _

It had been on Hidan's agenda to one day reveal himself, but he never really planned it out. He imagined it would be on some poor, unfortunate soul who happened to catch him at an awfully horrible time, which would of course result in their immediate sacrifice. If it was Kakuzu, though, it could earn him some respect. His partner already treated him like a child. Little he knew!

Hidan grinned to himself in the darkness. Yes, he would maybe reveal himself.

A half hour later and Hidan found Kakuzu as he left him, seated on a rock and reading. Although, instead of their map, it was a Bingo Book. Hidan scowled in disgust. Killing people for money was unscrupulous. Back in his prime, it would be considered sinful to sacrifice with the prospect of money. Kakuzu should be thankful they never knew each other until now.

How did it go?" Kakuzu asked.

"Pretty swell, my man, pretty swell." Hidan replied.

He untied the parcel he was holding and sat on a log next to him, outstretching his hand. Kakuzu gave the grubs a once-over and shook his head.

"I'm not hungry." He replied.

"Psh, you're just too scared." Hidan jeered.

He popped one into his mouth and began an obnoxious display of chewing, making sure to let the dismembered legs poke out of his mouth from time to time. Kakuzu glared at him, but said nothing.

"You're just a pussy." Hidan said, "What? Is this too poor for you? Need something lavish to spend all those precious bills on?"

Kakuzu grunted out a laugh.

"I'd be surprised if you even know how to spell 'lavish'."

"You asshole, I can spell plenty of things."

"Sure you can; last time I checked, you couldn't even read the map."

"Hah! I'm proud of my illiteracy!"

"Spelling is part of being illiterate, moron."

Hidan bit into another grub and chewed thoughtfully. Kakuzu was just so...pissy all the time. It was starting to become mildly amusing.

"Well, point it, if you want any, I'll save you some." He replied sincerely.

"Great."

The two continued on in silence, the only noises being crickets chirping and Hidan humming absentmindedly. When he first had risen--shit, that was, was, ages ago--Hidan had held a firm grip over his subjects. He frightened them, dominated them, forced them to realize the beauty of his immortality and divinity of his teachings. He had proven that the best way to connect with others is through pain--that was his most critical teaching: that nobody deserved to go through pain alone. Ironically, his message seems to align quite nicely with The Akatsuki's.

Hidan suddenly felt the return of his anger from earlier--hot, bubbling, lashing out--and turned to his partner.

"Hey, can I sacrifice you real quick? I'll get you a replacement heart tomorrow morning." He asked.

Kakuzu took off his reading glasses and folded them with a small  _ click _ .

"No. Why would you ever think I'd let you put any more holes in me?"

Hidan broke into laughter, almost choking on the grub he was chewing.

"Oh, Kakuzu, don't make me laugh!" He howled, "As if you could ever stop me!"

Kakuzu snorted and closed his book, turning and facing his partner for the first time that night.

"What makes you think you could ever overpower  _ me _ ?" He asked. 

HIdan smirked.

"You clearly don't know who you're dealing with." Kakuzu continued, "I've known you for a week and you are just an insignificant, shirtless, child with a make-believe god and a stupid, over glorified gardening hoe. You have no chance of ever beating me. I've fought the First Hokage; you can barely take on Konan."

Hidan decided he could wait no further.

"And you clearly don't know who you're dealing with, either." He seethed, "Let me tell you a story."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"If it's one of your pathetic homilies that you keep reciting, I want no part of it." He quipped.

"These are not just homilies! They're actual accounts of divinity!"

"Sure, sure they are."

_ 'No matter, you'll show him, soon enough.' _ Hidan convinced himself.

"All I'm asking you is to sit on your old, withered ass and listen to me talk." Hidan explained cheerfully.

Kakuzu mumbled something, but protested no further. 

"So, I'm sure you have heard tales of demons, yes?" Hidan began, "Well, I'm gonna tell you a real good one about a demon called Jashin."

"Oh, hear we go again. You and your false god." 

"Hey, don't disrespect, you blasphemous pig!" 

Kakuzu leaned forward and leered at him.

"And what is he going to do? Rise up and strike me down? Send me to Hell? Because I guarantee there's not another place more insufferable than sitting here, eating bugs and listening to you ramble on about fiction." He said.

Hidan, visibly ruffled, took a breath and regained some composure; it was Kakuzu's fault--he'd never been exposed to true holiness. He just needed some convincing.

"As I was saying, before I was so  _ rudely _ interrupted, "Hidan continued, "There is a demon whom people call Jashin. He is a God, yes, with devout subjects, but he is so much more. He has the capabilities of granting others immortality, lending others his strength, and even allowing others to transform in his image. But his greatest, most important capability is helping others express their pain Physical, mental, emotional--all is welcomed in Jashinism. He loves his subjects and wants all of them to share their pain with others. It is His will of letting go and moving on to teach others to accept and understand pain, and so forth. Jashin believes a cycle of pain must be shared in order to be understood."

Hidan smiled triumphantly, waiting for his partner's response. Kakuzu was sitting, brooding over the matter, his hands folded in front of his face and his elbows propped on his knees.

"What do you think?" Hidan asked.

"I think that you have no idea what a story actually is. That was more or less a manifesto, if you even know what that is." Kakuzu replied tartly.

"Oh, please, you wouldn't know a good story if it squatted down and took a shit in your lap!" Hidan objected, kicking his legs out in front of himself.

"I'm not going to indulge you with the pleasure of any of my grand adventures." Kakuzu said.

He closed his book and blew out the fire, engulfing them in darkness.

"Hey, I mean, I could tell you the one time back in 800 where I had a whole herd of deer sacrificed to me; that was fun, lemme tell you. Absolutely amazing fucking feast after that." Hidan chattered.

This bait, which Hidan on purposely let slip, caught his partner's attention. A small flame flickered from Kakuzu's hand.

"What did you say?"

Hidan gave him a toothy grin.

"You heard me." He replied slyly.

Hidan began to let the illusion melt away. From his heads, sharp horns began to protrude, angled sharply like pikes. His hands sickled into claw-like appendages, while his skin turned its customary black and white tone. 

"Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe...just  **_maybe I wasn't chasing after some silly god, but was the very god himself?"_ **

Hidan's voice warped into a deeper, gurgly tone that boomed with intensity. His eyes were like blazing orbs, seeping violet and violence from their now pupil-less, purple structure. He stood over Kakuzu--towered, actually--and glowered down at his partner.

**_"Come on, Kakuzu, you can't possibly be a non-believer now?"_ **

Hidan leant in, inches away from his stunned face and smiled, revealing a set of horrendously blood-stained fangs. These weren't the teeth of a killer, they were the entrapment of the Devil. That was who Hidan was, after all. It's what Jashin sometimes was.

**_"Tell me, you fucking heathen, do you believe now?"_ **

Kakuzu sat, motionless and stunned, and Hidan wanted to rip off his stupid face guard so  _ badly _ , just to see the horror on his face. So he did. With a swift swipe, the mask was reduced to ribbons, and Hidan peered into the eyes of a very irritated man, taking note of the jagged stitching on his face.

_ 'Impressive, rather sexy, even.'  _ He mused.

"So...you are Jashin?" Kakuzu said dumbly, "The legends are actually true?"

**_"Damn fucking straight they are, Ka-ku-zu!"_ **

Hidan's voice ricocheted off the surrounding trees, sending clusters of terrified birds into the sky. Kakuzu looked slightly terrified. But before he could utter any further questions, Hidan allowed his form to shrink back to its human size.

**_"Just a taste, my friend, just a taste. You will know Me better soon enough."_ **

The claws, horns, and spikes retracted, and in moments Hidan was man once more. In form, at least.

"So, that's why you're such a masochist." Kakuzu said.

Hidan sneered and leaned forward once more, this time closer to the fire in his hand.

"You don't even know half of it, my man." He said, his voice returning back to its previous octave.

He bent over and stuck his tongue on, licking the flame out on Kakuzu's hand. He tasted of leather and copper...Hidan rather enjoyed the combination. In silence, they both crouched down and leaned against the larger log, ready to turn in for the night. Hidan threw his arms behind his head in triumph; he had planted the seed. Kakuzu knew now to respect him. 

"Hey, Kakuzu," He whispered.

"If you touch me, I will bury you alive." Kakuzu snarled.

He knew his partner was trying to put up a brave front, but Hidan couldn't ignore the quick stiffening of his feelings from Kakuzu as he spoke to him. His plan had worked well.

"Oh, don't worry, prick, that's alright," He said breezily, "I'll just dig myself out.” 

_ 'You'll never get rid of me.' _

"Hey," He said.

"What?" Kakuzu grunted.

Hidan paused for a beat.

**_"Don't let the demons bite!"_ **


	5. October 29: Tattoos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cut scene from different work; this so far is my favorite and has been inspired by all the fanart of these two tatted up. Honestly, it's hot; I dig it.

Hidan rolled over in bed, nuzzling against his partner's back. Outside, the sun was seeping in through the windows, illuminating his and Kakuzu's drowsy bodies in a warm glow. Hidan pressed himself closer to his partner, rubbing himself against the other's scarred skin. Kakuzu was always warm, like hot coals or the blankets his mother would sometimes send them from New Mexico. He was warm and safe, just as Hidan always saw him. He pressed a small kiss on the nape of his neck and worked a stray hair from his bun into his mouth to play with. Hidan could lay with him all day, except for one small inconvenience: he had slept through his alarm.

"Hey; hey hey." He murmured.

Kakuzu grunted and turned onto his stomach. Hidan poked him again.

"Bitch, we slept in!" He said.

Hidan jumped out of bed and flung around the clothes on their floor, searching for something clean. Kakuzu, aroused by Hidan's now urgent clambering, propped himself up on his elbow, the sheets barely skimming over his bare ass. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh.

"No,  _ you _ slept in; I am a sensible person and do not work on Sundays. You'd think you would too, given it is--how do you put it? The Lord's day?" Kakuzu yawned.

Hidan shot him a frown as he shimmied into a tight pair of jeans.

"Hey, don't diss the Man upstairs; Jashin will have my ass if I miss my 6 PM ceremony again cuz  _ someone _ can't keep his two-ton dick in his pants when I'm in a suit." He snarked, tearing a cut-out t-shirt from his closet and pulling it over his head.

Kakuzu snorted and rolled back to his side, his back turned towards Hidan, who checked the clock: 9:15 AM. Konan would have his ass for being late.

"Alright, heathen, wish me luck; I got that freaky chest-skull on our man Deidara's chest today and am skipping my Methylene, so shit's about to be wild." Hidan announced.

He rushed into their bathroom and rummaged through the medicine, searching through the cluster of Barbasol cans, black nail polish bottles, cologne, pill bottles, and baby powder. Finally, Hidan found his signature hair gel, cracking it open and lathering it generously into his hair.

"Shit, baby, you looking good today." He crowed, examining himself in the mirror. 

Hidan, per his trade, was covered in tattoos. For most of his life, he had detested them: his father had always deemed the ink as sinful and degradative on his otherwise pure body; his mother simply thought they were too edgy. But now, having taken some classes with Konan and in need of a way to pay rent that didn't include food-service, Hidan had quickly become obsessed with them. Kakuzu had urged him to start small, but Hidan resisted: his very first tattoo was on his face, mirroring the imagery of a skull with his cheekbones, eye sockets, and nose shaded in. He even decided to have Konan etch in the false teeth in his lips for the full effect. Kakuzu was not amused initially, but after Hidan assured him that Konan and Nagato had done the work with his brand-new employee discount and treated him to a night of sex and takeout, Kakuzu bregrudedly came to accept the fact that he'd be waking up every morning staring at a skull.

Hidan flexed his arms and abs for a bit, admiring his admittedly gorgeous body, before moving on to brushing his teeth.

_ ''l'll grab a power bar or some shit, maybe.' _ He decided.

Besides the skull art, Hidan really only had a few other designs on him. On his neck, a pike pierced an oozing, red heart while his left-side shoulder bore a massive reaper, complete with a triple-bladed scythe. Other than that, his body was empty, except for the embarrassing pigment enhancer under his eyebrows, which Hidan was now trying to tint with some of the mascara he'd stolen from Itachi.

"I don't understand why you ever did those." Kakuzu said, slipping in and kissing the side of his neck.

He lingered for a bit and wrapped his arms around Hidan's waist, the smaller man grimacing as his partner's hands dug their way into the waistband of his jeans.

"Oi, I want people to actually see them...they don't exactly make those pencils in Crayola White--hey, fuckturd, quit grabbing! These bitches gotta look sharp, like they could cut a bitch or some shit." Hidan said.

"Hm, just like those cheekbones of yours." Kakuzu crooned.

Kakuzu rumbled out a low laugh and hip-checked him lightly before leaving, causing Hidan to botch his right eyebrow.

"Ugh, fuking heathen; Kuzu, I'm gonna be  _ late _ !" He cried, angrily rubbing off the color with his palm.

"That's why you don't pay $95 for a nearly invisible microblade." Kakuzu called back.

Compared to Hidan, Kakuzu was a covered canvas; prior to university, he had his wrists branded in prison before ever meeting Hidan, as well as the waterfall insignia from his gang. All seemingly small and modest, yet on his back was a truly magnificent work of art: for six hours straight, on Hidan's first day of the job, the combined efforts of him, Konan, Nagato, and Kisame (who had stopped by for moral support) birthed four large, traditional shaman masks. Each caricature resembled one of his massive mastiffs back in Navajo, with a grand total of four occupying the entirety of his back. In addition, their combined efforts created a dual set of captivating sleeves, where lighting, fire, and black tendrils wrapped around his earthen arms. Even Deidara and Sasori, who came by to visit during the event, honored it all as a work of art. Kakuzu would never admit it, but Hidan knew he was proud of him and his natural talent.

Hidan tossed down Itachi's pen and traced back into the bedroom, where Kakuzu was now getting dressed. Swiftly, he crept up on his partner with intention of retaliating, only for Kakuzu to catch him in another kiss, this time deeper and more demanding. Hidan immediately smiled and let his eyes flutter close.

"Sweet Jashin..." He mumbled.

"You should get your pay docked for how often you're so late." Kakuzu replied.

Hidan rolled his eyes and pushed away, playfully swatting at his partner's ass as he headed out.

"Don't wait up, Kuzu! Itachi's setting me up with new gages after my shift...try and not get bored without me!" He sang, sprinting down the steps of their apartment and down to his bike.

"Be careful; don't drive like a moron just because you're late!" Kakuzu called after him.

Hidan flashed him a grin and sped off, gliding past every stoplight on the way out. Twenty minutes (and three blown red lights) later, he swerved into his favorite parking spot at the strip mall. He knocked the kickstop and took a look at the new sign Tobi had helped them set up:

**"Six Paths Tattoo Parlor"**

"Heyo, emo gang! How we doing today?!" Hidan sang, kicking the door open.

Konan glared at him while, from the back, Nagato called out a greeting in response. Sitting in the lounge area was Sasori and a very impatient-looking Deidara. Hidan strolled back behind the front desk and punched in his card code while Konan talked on the phone.

"Hey, this is Konan of the  **"Six Paths Parlor"** , where we deal art with a dash of pain; you brave enough to set up an appointment?"

She caught Hidan's eyes and mouthed 'You owe me' and nodded her head at the punch slot. Hidan, in response, shrugged innocently and strolled over to his bench, where Deidara was seated. The sunny blonde chattering excitedly with his own partner.

"My man Dei, you ready?" Hidan asked, slapping some latex gloves on.

"Hn, I've been ready for almost an hour." He snapped, "I presume you overslept, again?"

"Nah, probably boning Kuzu again." Sasori said.

Hidan grinned devilishly and turned on the ink machine. It roared to life with a hiss and a whir, settling nicely with Hidan's grip. Deidara slipped off his cropped sweater and sat shirtless on the bench. Today was a big day for him: he was getting a tattoo over one of the leftover scars from his top surgery and had been planning since he was sixteen to one day commiserate. Sasori sat down next to him and took his hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Big day, Dei; we'll throw you a party or some shit later on." Hidan said.

Slowly, he got to work; the image Deidara had brought him was a crude mouth and teeth scribbled spontaneously on a napkin. It was intended to match the two hand-mouths that Konan had tatted on him during his first year of college, but those were far more ornate. Regardless, Hidan planned to work it in smoothly with the visible scarring. After all, he had researched the technique plenty of times.

Kakuzu's scars--those thick, angry welts and slashes--were predominantly worse and it pained Hidan to see them sometimes. All that pain and suffering and anguish--and to think Kakuzu had to endure it alone! The thought always made Hidan sick. Once, he had suggested to his partner that he try and cover them up or integrate the stitching into some of his other images (like tendrils or powerful threads), but Kakuzu refused. Why, Hidan never knew. What he did know, though, was that Kakuzu slept uneasy and woke up upset more often than the Jashinist preferred. Hidan touched the needle to Deidara's chest and got to work.

*****************************

An hour-and-a-half later and Deidara was celebrating the tattoo of his transformation, complete with the rest of the group drinking cheap champagne and eating some of Kisame and Itachi's homemade cosmic brownies. It was good to have at least some of the gang back together. Hidan sipped at his plastic cup, watching the others joke and laugh. He wished Kakuzu came, but the guy had his own things to do. Besides, it's not like Hidan couldn't entertain himself. Kakuzu would be waiting for him at home and they could spend the rest of the day in bed, relaxing and...

"Hey, you okay? You aren't completely inebriated yet."

Konan sat next to him, holding her own personalized wine glass that she always kept at work. Hidan smiled and sighed sadly.

"Hey, Angel-face; yeah, no, I'm alright. Dei's new ink just got me thinking about Kuzu, that's all." He replied.

Konan gave him a sympathetic smile. In the background, Tobi and Zetsu, who worked at the flower shoppe next door, rolled in, each with food and beer.

"He still doesn't want the cover up?" 

Hidan held his Solo Cup to his lips and stared off for a bit.

"Nope; big guy's too tough." 

Konan took a sip from her drink and set it on her knee, fiddling with her bottom lip piercing. Both her and Hidan sat in thought.

"Have you ever tried skin tone ones?" Konan asked.

"Nah; trust me, it'll be too pricey and he won't take anymore favors from you guys." Hidan replied.

"Okay, well, maybe just a larger tat? Like on the chest/abdomen area? It would cover some of the bigger stitching just like his back design did."

Hidan fiddled with his rosary and rubbed each bead in a linear pattern.

"Nah, he said he doesn't need anymore for a while. Kakuzu just...wants to see them. Maybe to remind him of his past, or some sad, twisted reason to degrade himself? I dunno; he just doesn't look happy sometimes and I wanna do something about that."

They continued to sit, the others breaking out some of the boardgames Tobi had brought over. Hidan smirked; thank Jashin Kakuzu had a finance report for his intern to complete today, otherwise their idiotic friends for get their asses whooped in Monopoly. Eventually, Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, and Zetsu headed off to their respective destination, leaving the rest to return to work. Hidan sat down in one of the shairs in the piercing area, where Itachi was sterilizing his tools. Before leaving, Kisame blew Itachi a kiss that seemed way too familiar than what they labelled their “platonic” relationship as (at least in Hidan-s opinion).

"Itachi, what do you do when Kisame is self-conscious about something?" He asked.

Itachi re-tied his hair, tucking his bangs behind his faux glasses, and snapped on some rubber gloves.

"Kisame doesn’t exactly get self conscious." He replied, “Then again, he does not have the same life experience as Kakuzu.”

Carefully, he removed and cleaned Hidan's cartilage piercings, first in his ears, then the stud by his right eyebrow. Next, he began working the lobes of his ears, muttering something about nipple piercings and his little brother. Hidan slouched in the chair and stared off into space; Kakuzu was his rock. The guy never faltered, so when he did, it was always because of his damn scars. They reminded him of how little people valued him and Hidan wanted to change that.

"I'm going to talk to him tonight about the scars." He decided.

"Have it your way; just tread lightly and don't be too..." Itachi warned.

"Be too what?"

"...too, ah,  _ zealous _ ."

Once the gages were set, Hidan thanked Itachi, punched out, and hopped on his bike. Evening was approaching and he couldn't wait to get home. He was going to talk to Kakuzu and use his charm. Then Kakuzu would be as lovely as he saw him.

When he got home, he could already smell the chorizo and fried rice through their door and he eagerly bounded up the stairs. 

"Heathen, I am hooooome!" He announced with a burst of the door.

Kakuzu poked his head out from within the kitchen and smiled.

"And did Konan beat your ass like I predicted?" He said.

Hidan shrugged off his jacket and whipped off his shirt, kicking his shoes off at the door. Kakuzu turned the stoves low and came to greet him.

"Nah, not anymore than usual--ready?" Hidan asked.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and squared up. Immediately, Hidan ran and jumped into his arms, letting Kakuzu hold him up and support him by his ass and the small of his back.

"Hey, not so bad, eh?"

"Why do we do this?"

"Because we're fucking adorable?"

"Or childish."

"At least you didn't drop me on purpose again."

"I can neither confirm nor deny that was an intentional drop last time."

Hidan rubbed his hands against the sides of Kakuzu's head, playing with the shaved stubble-like follicles. Kakuzu responded with a gentle headbutt of affection, burying his face in the crook of his partner's neck. They hugged like this for eternity, Hidan grappled to Kakuzu like a sloth to its tree.

"You ready to eat?" Kakuzu murmed.

His arms were tightly embraced around Hidan, who refused to let go.

"Honestly, I'm starving for something  _ else _ , but yes, let's eat; I got nothing in me." Hidan replied.

He hopped down and began to set their little table while Kakuzu finished the food. Once everything was finished, the two sat down, Hidan saying Grace while Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Kuzu, can I ask you something?"

Kakuzu gave him a puzzled look, but nodded for him to continue. Hidan swallowed his forkful and took a breath.

"Would you let me touch up your scars? I've practiced more, what with Deidara’s turning out absolutely fucking exquisitve and I even did one for Nagato's back...it looked pretty frickin great, like I was born to heal up people’s painful shit, I mean..."

Hidan saw the slow frown that was settling on his partner's face and felt his heart drop. This wasn't going to end well.

"You're embarrassed of them, aren't you?" He asked, no, affirmed.

"Of course not! I think you're a sexy beast as you are, a real goddamn monster of a man." Hidan sputtered.

"But you still do not like them, otherwise you wouldn't be so persistent about covering them."

"Ugh, no, it's just--"

"Just what? They're ugly, is that it? You're ashamed that your partner isn't as flawless as you are?"

"Asshole, don't interrupt me; it hurts me to see you sad over the, okay? That's why."

They both sat, arms crossed, the mood spoiled. The air felt tense and Hidan couldn't sit still. Fucking Methylene. 

"You think  _ you're _ hurt?" Kakuzu asked, "Have you ever wondered if  _ I _ still feel hurt? These things still burn sometimes. They still rip at my skin." 

"Well, yeah, no, I get that, but I wish I didn't have to see you this way, just sad about them." Hidan said, but immediately regretted his words.

Kakuzu opened his mouth, but closed it and stood up, the green in his eyes dimming. Hidan reached back up for his rosary nervously.

"You don't know what it's like to be branded against your will, Hidan." Kakuzu said quietly.

Hidan squeaked out a noise and watched helplessly as Kakuzu left the table and headed to their bedroom, the door closing with a resounding  _ click _ .

"Fuck me." He sighed.

He sat for a bit, finishing his meal (alone) and got up to do the dishes (alone). Eventually, he went up to their room and knocked.

"I'm going on the couch; you need sleep for your presentation tomorrow..." He paused, "Don't let the demons bite?"

"...no bites tonight." Came the quiet reply.

Hidan nodded to himself, shoved his hands into his pockets, and went to the couch. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his Instagram account.

How could he have been so stupid? He knew the scars and the wristbands were a sensitive topic, but he just wanted to help. Yet all he did was worsen the subject. And waste Kakuzu's cooking! He threw his head back and groaned. He needed to pray, or drink, or both.

_ 'How can I prove that he isn't different?' _ He asked himself.

Hidan fell asleep on the idea, but when he awoke in the morning, he had a revelation: he needed Konan and fast.

**************************************************

When Kakuzu woke up, Hidan wasn't at home. And when he returned from his own job, Hidan was missing as well. In fact, Hidan was gone for the entirety of the day. No text, no call; not even a dumb, little meme of dirty selfie. It made Kakuzu feel guilty to his core.

_ 'I was too harsh, dammit; I'm always too harsh.' _ He lamented, triple-checking his phone off any response. 

Nothing.

Of course Hidan knew how he felt; nobody but Hidan could quite understand him, and after all the time they had been together, all the shit he pulled him out from and vise versa, they shouldn't be at each other’s throats over mere squabbles. Squabbles he caused.

Kakuzu sighed and went into the kitchen to start up something small, but barely picked out a recipe from Kisame’s book when he heard the door open and close shut. He immediately set the cookbook down and turned. Despite himself, Kakuzu let out a breath of relief. He knew it was his partner, probably sloshed or in a pissy mood, but still he was home. Kakuzu took a minute to settle into a stern persona, and turned out.

"Hidan, where were you? I've been worried all day about your sorry ass, so you better have a good excuse." He said.

When he got to their living room, he froze. 

Hidan stood, shedding his coat and hanging it on the rack. On his forearms and wrists were a twin set of thick, black bands. On his biceps, creeping up underneath his shirt, were the cross-stitch patterns identical to his. Hidan looked abashed, like a guilty puppy.

"Sorry I was gone so long; Konan needed Nagato to come in and it took awhile." He explained sheepishly.

Kakuzu was lost for words, so he walked up to Hidan.

"Take off your shirt." He demanded.

Hidan pulled it off and revealed an incredible sight: thin black stitchs, like train tracks, wrapped around his arms, chest, and back. On his left side, right on the ribs, was a little heart inked in the same stitching pattern. Hidan held his head high as Kakuzu hesitantly touched them. They were still as smooth as Hidan's pale skin, but he traced his finger around one, following it from his abdomen to his shoulder. His eyes were starting to water.

"You aren't going to be the only one anymore, okay? We share the pain because we're a team, alright? We share the pain."

Hidan watched Kakuzu trace another marking, this time around his tricep. He looked like he was going to weep. Always, always,  _ always _ ; Hidan always took things a step further. He  _ did _ understand his pain.

"I do not deserve you sometimes, little brat." Kakuzu whispered. 

He gently took Hidan's face and examined it; Hidan didn't mimic his cheek scars; it was alright. He didn't even have the space.

Kakuzu noticed he had also gotten a bull-ring piercing. The dumbass couldn't control himself.

Hidan stared back at him with his intense, determined eyes.

"So?" He asked.

Kakuzu immediately hugged him, pulling him into such a grip that Hidan could barely breathe. It was astounding, simply astounding, how Hidan could care for him, even at his lowest fronts. Hidan knew him, deep within, like no other. And Kakuzu knew there would be no other. He planted a firm kiss on Hidan's foredhead.

"They are incredible; Konan and Nagato did an amazing job." He mumbled.

Kakuzu heard Hidan sniffle and pulled back; the moron was crying. Kakuzu wiped a tear away.

"Now, stop; you're going to make me cry, Hidan." He laughed, but already he felt prickles in his eyes.

"Oh, please, Kuzu, the moment I walked in I knew you would start sobbing like the big baby you are!" Hidan smirked.

Now he took his partner's face and pressed his forehead against his, both still embracing and smiled. Hidan titled both of them and kissed Kauzu lightly.

"Hey, wanna see another surprise?" Hidan asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Before Kakuzu could protest, Hidan kissed him again, this time pushing his tongue inside. Immediately, Kakuzu tasted metal.

_ 'That little brat.' _

The tongue piercing was another new addition; oh, well. At least Hidan hadn't decided to pierce his nipples yet.  _ That _ , he was hoping, would be stopped by Itachi. Hidan broke off and kissed Kakuzu's neck.

"Can we continue this elsewhere? My poor back is stiff as  _ balls _ from the couch and you need a good ride I bet." Hidan jeered.

Kakuzu snorted and lifted Hidan up with a grunt, the smaller man adjusting his legs around his hips.

"Oh, you think you're going to be the rider? I recall that it's  _ my _ turn to top this time." Kakuzu teased.

"Psh, you  _ know _ you want to see reverse cowboy like the bad, little ruffian I am now." Hidan crowed, making a show of his new wristband artwork.

"Hm, we'll see about that."

The two broke into smiles and laughter once more as Kakuzu carried Hidan into their room, not even bothering to close the door.

They were a team, alright; one awesome, artful, adoring team.


	6. October 30: Gods and Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MILD GORE
> 
> This was dope to write and a fun twist (without spoiling anything). With Halloween approaching, I felt this was a good prompt to create a horror-esce storyline...bwahahaha >:)

_ I was running, running as fast as my legs could take me. Sweating dripping, body aching; we were just screwing around. That's all. It was, what? Our second mission out of Academy? We were just stupid kid-shinobi with a little spare time on our hands...surely, that's still excusable? I mean, Umelu--oh, God! She was just a kid! She didn't deserve this...none of this! But they're too fast. _

_ It was just another tracking mission; we were searching for the rogue ninja who stole our Futile Lord's treasury cart and decided to stop in Hidden Rain for the night. None of us--all young , brand-new Chunins--had never visited the city where the sun never shines, never even travelled much farther than Otogakure's edges, so it was a treat to explore.  _

_ If only we had known. _

_ There's snapping noises as I run: the branches, leaves, wind, animals--they call out my name, as if alerting my assailants of my whereabouts. I can hear their footsteps, loud as thunder, behind me and around me. I weave through the trees, faster than I have ever in my life. _

_ I should have stopped Hagi--we had drank too much and ventured too far from the little pub by The Watcher monument. We did, we did, we did and now he was dead too! We found our target, alright, tucked haphazardly behind some bushes, as if the perpetrators had abandoned in the heat of an argument. So, we found it, right? Mission accomplished: we found our Futile Lord's treasures and smashed it to smithereens. Yep, that's right. We tore up the cart like it was nothing and set fire to it...we had never had so much alcohol. Shit, we're just kids. Just stupid, drunk teens who don't know how to control their new fire release technique. Any human would understand that. _

_ But  _ **_they_ ** _ are not human. _

_ I am running, running as fast as I can.  _

_ We had tried to save the chariot and all its prizes but they went up in smoke; Ame's rain couldn't save us then. So, we fled. And it was fine--we were all fine and relieved to have not been seen until there was this _ **_roaring_ ** _ from around us. Just an unbodied, engulfing noise that sounded like demons or ghouls but tenfold. I kept running, the ground under me thudding and ripping up underneath my frantic speed. I kept seeing shadows; in the trees, on the ground, near the bushes. My feet were beginning to drag and the whiskey in me was starting to cloud my vision, but I kept on moving. It was the only way to escape. No, survive, actually. _

_ Now the air filled with howling and I could see distinct shadows: wolves. Four large, gastly wolves that ran as fast as I did and were coming closer and closer and- _

"Where are you going, punk? Don't you want to be enlightened to the words of His holiness Jashin?!"

_ A voice, disembodied and high-pitched, was screaming for me. Howling soon ensued from the wolves among me. They were closing in!  _

_ I launched myself into the air for a nearby tree. Under me, the world looked blurry and too far and I had to stop. The howling was getting closer, as if the wolves were coming nearer. I clung to the trunk, on my knees, fighting the urge to vomit as best as I could. How can I escape this? My training had left me and all I could think of was how torn up Umelu laid, her body punctured by some fast force we had been too drunk to see. Her face, oh! She was killed so quickly! It was torture, the way she screamed, but we were so shit-faced we couldn't do anything but scream and piss our pants. It was so awful: first, she was standing, then there was a hole where her left knee was. She fell, then holes in her stomach, then her arms, then an enormous chunk was gone where her heart should have been. That was it. Just a gaping, oozing hole. She never had a chance. So we ran.  _

"Come on, kid, where are you? What's the matter: afraid to meet your God?"

_ The trunk began to shake and I instinctively clung to it--out of fear--and hurled whatever was left inside of me. It dripped down the tree and landed on the ground with a revoltingly wet noise. It make me puke again. _

_ Now the howling had turned into a jeering laugh. Great, now the murderous freak was laughing at me. _

_ Hagi was--if you could say this--was taken out in a far gruesome way. He had been by my side, then yanked away. I had stopped to try and save him, but he was nearly gone; a giant scythe was lodged in him, all three prongs shoved into him from the front like he was a voodoo doll. And his screaming, oh his screaming was fucking awful and i just stood there as his limbs began to break on there own and I screamed but i couldn't move my damned body until it was over. He clutched at his heart and cried for help, for his mother, for the gods above to spare him and kill him quickly. And I stood and watched, until I didn't. I ran before he died, but I can still hear the snapping of all his bones and the absolutely panicked tone of his pleas. We are only children! Why did we have to find that stupid fucking cart! _

_ The trunk began to shake and I saw my first look at one of the wolves, except it wasn't a wolf: wolves wear kabuki masks. Nor do they have wings. _

_ It spat wind--strong, devestading, tornado-like wind--and I tumbled out. I screamed as i fell and I could hear the not-wolf zooming after me. Frantically, I release my new Fire Ball Cannon jutsu. If I could take it out, I'd be safe, free! I could shoot out the other creatures and I would be safe. They were just feral beasts...the talking was just the alcohol. I would be safe! I saw it and immediately released the fire brewing in my belly--I want to live, dammit! I would tell my village of my fallen comrades and how I defeated these creatures that destroyed our Futile Lord's precious cargo. I saw it spiralling, it's wings like a bat's, and exhaled. Fire spew out of my mouth and my lips were seared. My throat was burning, scalding, grilled in the alcohol it was drenched in, but the beast caught fire. So did the trees around us. And the ground. And myself. _

_ Thudd! _

_ My world is on fire.  _

"Pft, this bitch thought he could take us out with a fire-style jutsu; hey, kid! When'd you learn that, huh? Yesterday?"

_ The beasts crowded their fallen brother and howled in remorse, flames lapping up them and engulfing them in orange and angry crimson. How do I hallucinate these voices? It must have been my inner conscious, reaming me for all the shit I managed to fuck up tonight. It was my fault. All of it. _

_ I try to stand but I cannot because my legs are broken, twisting in an ungodly pattern and my back is broken as well. I can feel the blood pooling under my where no doubt the broken stump I landed on impaled me. The beasts were screaming as they lit up the night and the forest roared back angrily. I'd be cooked to death.  _

"Please, I tried; I want to live,"  _ I prayed, but to no one in particular _ , "Please. Save me, please!"

_ Then they appeared. _

_ I tried to flee, but my body was far gone. I tried again to scream--for help, from someone, anyone--and I was tasting blood as squirmed on the broken tree. The figure became two and I tried to throw a rock, but the one man--the dark one with the mask--snatched it from the air. He crushed it and threw the remnants on the ground.  _

"What a waste of space, am I right, eh, Kuzu?"

_ It was another man. Smaller in form but louder--he was the howling noise ! He was ghostly white and held the scythe from earlier! Hagi...shit...he's the one who- _

_ The dark monster was upon me and kicked me hard enough to break some ribs and I coughed up some blood...oh, I want to see my mother. Please. He stepped on my chest and pushed me further on my pike. A voice inside me was shrieking at me, shrieking at me to live and  _ **_fight._ ** _ So, I grabbed a kunai and gouged it into his ankle, blood spurting all over me, mingling with my own. The man retracted instinctively, but it was enough. I sat up as best as I could, taking a deep breath while the albino man laughed hysterically at his partner. _

**_Phoosh!_ **

_ My fire mixed with blood shot out in bursts, swallowing the pair, blowing them back. The pale one is screaming. _

"I will live...I will live..."

_ I pry myself from the stump and roll over. If I cannot run, I will crawl, if I cannot crawl, I will drag my sorry, sad, bleeding ass all the way back to the village and tell the story of my survival. I will grow old and tell my children and grandchildren of how I defeated this unholy freaks. The forest was blazing, the figures probably charred and dead. Good. I killed them. I killed them and I cried for joy because I am alive and free and will go home-- _

**_Thunk!_ **

_ Pulling, something was pulling me.  _

_ I twist my head and see, hundreds of feet from where I had blown them, the two men. But they are not men, No, they are not they are not they are not...and I'm being dragged backwards, by the scythe and a dark hand attached to the scythe and it's tearing through me--how am I still alive? I want to die! I want this to end so I can be free....I want my mother. And Umelu. I even want Hagi. But I cannot escape and they are dragging me with a living black cord from the dark man's body. My mind is dulling. This needs to end! _

_ They bring me closer and I can see it: the pale monster--no, he’s a skeleton now--is the Reaper; he is my tormentor and is screaming with laughter while ablaze. They both are still on fire but it does not harm them. Are they demons? They are something--the dark one  _ **_erupts_ ** _ into threads, pouring from his now-exposed mouth and his arms, shoulder, chest, back, oh my god the wolves--no things--are back! And they're on fire too. My whole world is on fire as I am dragged slowly,  _ **_painfully_ ** _ , through the dirt and I want to die. Why don't they kill me? They cannot take anything else from me. _

"Let me have him."

"No way, asshat, this kid is mine to sacrifice!"

"Right. Because it's not like I need another heart to replace the one I lost."

"Nuh-uh; this brat goes to Jashin! I gave you the girl-nin, and the other kid was toasted before I could use him. He's  _ mine _ ."

_ And they pull me closer as they argue, my life dripping out with whatever blood I have left in me. So I pull another kunai--this is it. The noblest thing I can do is kill myself in honor; I can protect my nation's reputation. It will be easy...I will see you, Mother, soon enough; take your time I'll see you soon... _

**_RIIIIIIP!_ **

_ I watch these monsters, still ablaze, wrestling for my upper half, their hands digging into the pocket of my chest and fingers--dirty, demon fingers--picking at the arteries and the valves and I cannot kill myself because the Masked God tore the kunai from hands but the Reaper God took it from him to try and stab me but the Mask God headbutted him and now I am also covered in the Reaper God's blood and I am fading, fading and they are screaming at each other and now I am ablaze because they too are ablaze still. The fire is roasting them and they do not notice this because they are gods no monsters they are monsters and gods and I am a fool to ever believe I would esca-- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone needs some plot clarification:
> 
> Taken from the perspective of a Chunin from Hidden Sound, running for his life as Kakuzu and Hidan hunt him down. And yes; Hidan and Kakuzu are not beneath wrestling each other for a heart every now and then.
> 
> Also I'm super proud of this one because it's different than my usual style so please let me know what you think!


	7. October 31: Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I cried actual, literal tears as I wrote this...
> 
> WARNING: MILD GORE AND SLIGHT PANIC ATTACK TRIGGERS

Hidan burst from the ground with the breath of life.

Yes, with  _ life _ .

Because he refused to die. Not without Kakuzu by his side.

He crawled from the stinking soil, only to find deer. Lots and lots of deer. They were waiting for him, watching him twitch and gasp for air as he hauled himself from the Earth and breathed once more. Then, Hidan--weaponless--attacked: he clawed them to shreds, bit out their throats, and snapped their necks and back with his bare hands. One by one, he tore through the herd and felled them with the vengeful, ruthless movements of a rabid beast--he was no better than one, now, anyways. Screaming, crying, Hidan took on the last deer, a massive stag, and allowed it to impale him in the chest with its horns, shrieking curses and damnations at the poor creature. Then, Hidan used his body weight as leverage to throw the poor animal meters away into the forest. He had chosen to  _ live _ .

Eventually, Hidan stilled; he was naked, panting, and soaked in his own blood and tears. There were so many tears and they just kept coming. They came from anger, from remorse, from sadness. He had lived, but it didn't appear to him that kakuzu had as well.

"Where are you? Kakuzu?! _Where are_ _you_?!" He screamed.

Hidan looked at the sky as it cleared of clouds. How long had he been underneath the world? Two, three, four days? A week? Moths? A year or decade or two? Long enough for his body to slowly fuse itself back together, that’s for sure. Most of it he had spent thinking, the way one only can when their eyes are sealed by dirt and mouths filled with mud. Hidan had thought of so much: The Akatsuki, the mission, Kakuzu, the kid. That kid--he would come for that kid! Hidan wouldn't even sacrifice him--just chop him up and bury  _ him _ all the way to Hell. See how it tastes down there himself. No, that kid didn't deserve the sweet release of Jashin's touch! Him and the rest of those fuckers would pay for what they did to him and to Kakuzu...

**_"Where are you?! Kakuzu!"_ **

Hidan sobbed and fell to his knees, howling, screaming, crying. Snot and blood and tears, hot, angry tears flowed from his face. How would he carry on? He couldn't think straight, not with the sunlight grilling him and fog in his head. This fog, it scared him and rose up in his heart in a spirit of dread that only made him cry even more. And Hidan does not cry. But he stayed on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably and pulling at his dirty hair and beating his fists on the ground because  _ he couldn't protect the one person he'd give his life for _ from a bunch of stupid, sniveling brats. 

**_"Why?!_** " Hidan shrieked, "Why? Did I do something to anger you, huh _, Jashin?_ Did I _displease_ your sorry ass? Did I not honor you well enough that you would have my _back_ when I needed it? **_Huh?_** _Because_ ** _Kakuzu always had my back_** _,_ so why can't you do _shit_ for **_once_** _in your unholy life?"_

Hidan lurched to the ground, putting his forehead to the Earth and beating his fists feverishly. This was his fault; he should have never separated from his partner; the urchins he fought were a waste of his time and waste of Kakuzu's life. He would be alive if Hidan hadn't been so goddamn carless! Not even Jashin could help...the god left him to rot in his grave--literally--so what proof did Hidan have that his master would come and help him now? None. Absolutely none.

Hidan was on his own.

"Argh! This wasn't supposed to be how it ended! Fucking Kakuzu; you should be here with me!" He ranted, now ripping up dirt from the ground and throwing it in anger.

_ 'I failed him, I failed him and he's dead because of me. This is all my fault.' _ He thought desperately.

_ 'I failed him and now he's gone.' _

**************************

Hidan sat, unclothed and filthy, for a day. Or, it felt like a day.The sun rose up and crashed back into the Earth at least once, so it was a day to him. The entire time, Hidan stayed absolutely still; he spent his hours muttering and phasing in and out of gut-wrenching panic attacks, the type that were so sudden and powerful he was left choking on his own sobs and wheezing for air. Or for salvation. Hidan wanted salvation--he wanted Kakuzu.

So there was only one thing to do.

Starved, shivering from anxiety and anger, and smelling like a rotten corpse, Hidan stood. He was going to find his partner, even if it killed him. 

_ 'If The Akatsuki cannot help me, or Jashi refuses to, I will help myself.' _

Hidan wanted to rely on his team--after all, they were supposed to be a family, a unit. They were supposed to come and save each other asses when things go hairy, at least that's what Konan always preached. Hidan scoffed and spat out a broken tooth. So much as for family. And as for Jashin...well, he didn't expect to hear from Him too soon. He was immortal by his own right now, anyways.

So Hidan decided to move. He didn't get very far, though; being buried for however long weakened him severely, so much to a point he could only crawl. So he'd crawl; like Hell anything was going to stop him! The hunger, the fatigue--none of it was stronger than him. He was immortal, wasn't he? Gods played with their lives like this all the time. So he would too. He'd hike all the way to Amegakure if he had to, just to drag The Akatsuki's low-life fuckfaces out here to help him find Kakuzu. He could do it. Hidan could do it. But a mile further and it seemed he wouldn't have to.

There was an Akatsuki cloak, pinned in the ground by his scythe. 

"Fuck, clothes, ah yes!" Hidan cried.

He rushed over, tripping and stumbling pathetically as his legs buckled at the sudden use of intensity, until he crashed back to the ground. The cloak appeared to have both sleeves and it's pockets were full of coins. The fucker always had loose change on him. A few feet to the left and Hidan discovered Kakuzu's discarded face guard. He instinctively crawled to it and snatched up, rubbing his face against it as he broke into tears once more.

_ 'Shit, it smells like him too...' _ He despaired.

The cloak was next and as Hidan wrenched his weapon from the ground, he recollected a few familiar mementos: his Jashin rosary and his headguard. He tossed the scythe aside and touched his rosary, hesitating to put it on. Jashin did not come to save him...or did he? Was that the only reason Hidan was standing above ground, risen from the dead once more? Logic said yes, but His voice was gone. Hidan grabbed the head guard and was hit with a wave of shuddery sobs. Kakuzu had saved his first, so he would bring his own to him. Carefully, Hidan dumped the garments into a pocket, hung on his rosary, and scootched over to the cloak. It was warm from laying in the sun for so long and smelled of dew and old leather. Without hesitation, Hidan slipped into it, but was hit with a wave of emotions.

Anxiety.

Regret.

Fear.

Panic.

Loneliness.

Without Kakuzu, Hidan was lonely.

He could feel himself hyperventilating, the fabric suddenly too tight on him even though Hidan was far smaller than Kakuzu in size and he helplessly curled up into a ball, rocking and starting to take in large sucks of air. 

_ 'Calm down, calm down. What would Kakuzu tell you? Huh?' _ He tried to reassure himself, _ 'He'd take his old-ass hands and hold your shoulders and stare at you with those watermelon-eyes and tell you to get a motherfucking  _ **_grip_ ** _.' _

The tightness in Hidan's chest only worsened and he began to scream once more. Long, air-shattering howls, stretching for miles and miles. Hidan screamed and cried for so long that by nightfall he had no more voice left to utter a whisper, let alone a cry for help or mercy. It was over; he had lost him. 

So, defeated and dazed, Hidan burrowed deep into the cloak and slept soundly for the first time in ages, enveloped in the smell of charcoal and hot coals, of parchment and dirt and blood and sweat and defeat. Hidan was defeated. At least for now.

**************************************

The sun rose and so did he.

Hidan had made up his mind--his dreams had brought him to the startling conclusion of what he should do--and he stood with a sudden strength and tossed his rosary to the ground. If Jashin wanted him, the piece of shit necklace would find its way back to him; Hidan had far greater concerns to worry about. Unfortunately, his scythe was still too heavy to weild, so Hidan had to leave that too. It was his own fault; Hidan still hadn't eaten. Dragging his feet, Hidan threw on the cloak and started his trek to the one place where all The Akatsuki's problems started: Konohagakure. That's where he'd find Kakuzu, he was certain.

"I will find you, you goddamn heathen, I will find you. I'll find you if it's the last thing I will do. Nothing will stop me."

Hidan began his journey South; Konoha was about two or three day's walk from their original coordinates, so Hidan added an extra day of travel to the estimate. He wasn't moving as fast as he was when healthy. It started off slow, not because of how fatigued he was, but because Hidan had to keep hiding from stray ninja. It was a humbling yet humiliating experience: he was the immortal Hidan, disciple of the Savior Jashin! He shouldn't be cowering in some bushes or hiding at nighttime. 

_ 'Pussy. Fucking pussy.' _ He chided himself.

He spent a day, then two, trudging downhill; Hidan was looking for the great Hidden Leaf barrier. Typically, it stood high enough where it could be seen from quite a distance, but there was nothing. Well, that wasn't true: a steady stream of people were filing down the main road, armed with pack mules and travel bags. They were fleeing something.

Hidan watched the shinobi and couldn't help but feel jealous; oh, what he'd give to walk down the middle of an open road again. Too dangerous to be ambushed, too brave to care about attacks. It was a power he was desperately craving at the moment, but any type of control to some extent was good enough at this point. Hidan's whole life has spiraled away from him in a matter of moments and he was alone. So very, very alone.

He waited until nightfall, where the last of the civilians were finally trickling out. A part of Hidan wanted to kill them: they were the reason his Kakuzu was dead. Them and their sorry, pathetic excuses for life which Kakuzu for some reason was deemed no longer worthy to have. But once the last of them were out of sight, Hidan slipped into the main road and continued his journey.

***********************************

Three days and three nights later, Hidan arrived. He refused to stop for anything: sleep, food, to tend to his wounds; all meaningless. He had a mission, maybe his final as an Akatsuki, and nothing would stop him. His mind had quieted, so much so that there were no thoughts, no internal conversations. Not even a whisper in his otherwise boisterous head. No, they would be a waste of energy and a distraction from the task at hand.

Hidan arrived at the gates, or what was left of them. By the looks of it, Konohagakure had not just been attacked but absolutely  _ decimated _ by some powerful yet unknown force. Hidan stood for a moment, but grunted and continued in.

"Probably Dei's work...or Pein." He grumbled.

It didn't matter who caused the destruction; in fact, it was a perfect diversion for him to sneak in. Hidan made note of the scattered shinobi either pinned under rubble or unconscious on the ground. He'd need a fresh heart after his plan for Kakuzu and it seemed he'd have plenty of options. Just to be safe, Hidan crept over to where a ninja way splayed out. He checked his pulse--he was still alive! With a new surge of gleeful energy, Hidan hoisted the fallen shinobi onto his shoulder and carried on. Suddenly, his captive stirred.

"Are you here to save me?" He rasped.

Hidan, once again, felt his heart shatter. 

_ 'No, no I'm not, _ ' He wanted to say,  _ 'I'm here to save someone else and I will use you to save him.' _

Instead, Hidan repositioned him for a better grip and kept walking.

"Yes, but I need you to tell me where the infirmary and morgue are." He lied.

"Two blocks from here; it will be gone, y'know."

Hidan again hoisted the ninja and tilted his head to the sky. His hair stuck to his forehead with the blood and sweat of his journey and he smelled  _ rancid _ . He smelled like a fucking corpse, still.

"Well, my friend, we better hope it isn't." He said, determined.

Hidan dragged his captive the next two blocks, all the way past a very dismal-looking Hokage memorial and an equally destroyed street of houses, all flattened. It had to be Pein. Only he could wreak this much havoc without a messy fire afterwards. Suddenly, he saw a blur in the distance, causing Hidan to freeze. 

_ ‘Now way people are still out here…’ _ He worried.

Upon further inspection, it was a trio of kids, their leaders wrapped up in an obnoxiously long, blue scarf. Thankfully, they kept moving. What a relief. Finally, Hidan arrived at the infamery complex, or what was left of it.

The building had collapsed, caving in to reveil the basement. The morgue; the morgue must have been in the basement. It made enough sense. Hidan carefully set down his shinobi and collapsed at the gaping hole in the Earth. A well of tears rose up from him. This was it. This was where he would find his Kakuzu.

"I'm coming for you, Kuzu. I'm coming for you I promise." He mumbled, over and over as he began his descent into the rubble. The sight was nauseating: whatever explosion that occurred had thrown most of the corpses from their resting spaces, littering them amongst the debris. Just as he predicted, it smelled like a goddamn sewer. Hidan chuckled darkly, crawling on his hands and knees down deeper and deeper.

Who would have thought he--a reaper of death--would once again be underground and surrounded by decay. Would he see old victims of his? That Asuma guy? Would Kakuzu look and smell like this, all black and puss-like? The very thought forced Hidan to stop as his body sent him into a spasm of vomiting and coughing. But no food came up, only blood and mucus--the only things left inside of him. 

_ 'No, he won't. Don't think that.' _ Hidan reprimanded himself.

He regained some sense of composure and continued his descent, noting a stray reference sheet attached to a clipboard. How it had survived, he had no clue, but it would prove useful. Hidan quickly scanned it and found what he was looking for: Kakuzu's ID number. Thankfully, his section seemed to be relatively intact, although a handful of the cases were smashed by rocks. And, as Hidan saw further, the case he was looking for was equally crushed.

"Fuck...no.."

Hidan scrambled down, ignoring the increasing amount of gashes on his body as he barreled down to the casing. Sure enough, it was Kakuzu's.

"Fucking  **_no_ ** !" Hidan shrieked, "This isn't over! You don't get to die without me!"

Hidan howled with rage, on his knees, beside the broken case. Underneath, Kakuzu was probably pinned in, crushed up and unrecognizable. Hidan sniffled. Only one way to find out.

With what little strength he had left, Hidan grasped the larger chunk and rose to his feet with it. Jashin had given him the strength of a god and he'd sure as  _ Hell _ use it now. With a roar, Hidan lifted and tossed the rock aside, crumpling once more from fatigue. He was so  _ close _ . He was close and he could do it. Yes, he could!

"hang on, buddy, I got you...I got you."

HIdan bashed in the thin wood covering Kakuzu's casket with his fist and was met with a pitiful sight: his partner, pale beyond recognition. His hair was entangled viciously with tendrils and his eyes--those watermelon eyes--were slitted half-open, as if waking up. Or closing for a final time. Hidan choked out another sob and shakily touched Kakuzu's skin. It was too cold.

"I got you, remember, we're a team. I got you." He kept repeating as he slowly rose back to his knees.

Hidan sqautted down and linked his arms with Kakuzu's stiff limbs, carefully dragging him out from the wreckage. Hidan once again laughed; Kakuzu would melt when he learned that Hidan had to carry him. But Hidan would carry him again and again; Hidan would give him everything he could after this. He would show him how much he cared for Kakuzu, shower him in the love and respect he deserved. He would; he would he would he  _ would _ . 

"Come on, Kuzu, let's fix you up." Hidan mumbled.

He dragged his partner's body all the way back to the surface and once again breathed in the light. More a moment, Hidan started to laugh. It was a feeble, hoarse laugh as he realized he had found him. He had found Kakuzu; now the hard part was over! He could revive him--his plan was flawless--and they would be together once more. And done with The Akatsuki. Hidan would make sure they never saw  _ them _ again. Gently, he set Kakuzu's corpse on the ground next to the (miracuously) still-living shinobi. 

_ 'Now, the dissection.' _

Hidan had never trained a day in his life for medical ninjutsu; Kakuzu had been the healer, stitching everyone up and paying for professional help when necessary. So Hidan needed a little guidance. To his luck, he saw something that could prove useful: a tattered medic poster depicting how to perform a heart bypass. Simple enough, right? Hidan searched the fallen ninja and retrieved a set of chakra blades (which he assumed he couldn't even wield, unfortunately) and a dented kunai. He grimaced; this was going to hurt. 

Hidan carefully laid out the instructional poster and weighed it down with some small rocks, taking a seat right in front of it. He stripped himself of Kakuzu's cloak and took a deep breath. This was going to hurt.

"Okay, Step One: cut the skin and breastbone...shit, I guess I'm gonna have to push extra hard..."

Without hesitation, Hidan plunged the weapon into his chest, gasping with pain. It was both nauseating and rejuvenating at the same time. Blood was trickling through his fingers onto his bare abdomen once more.

"Okay, okay,  _ okay _ . Next...uh...I gotta free up the LIMA and the Leg Vein," He coached himself, gasping for air, "Whatever the fuck those things are..."

Hidan began to work at severing each artery, slicing them one by one so that, gradually, his heart was cut from its home. It was a gruesome sight: Hidan, still naked, sawing into his chest with a blunt knife while on one side of him a man was breathing his final breaths, and on the other side, a dead man. How poetic; Hidan was finally sacrificing his own heart. Jashin would be proud. 

After an excruciatingly long hour, Hidan finally snipped the last vein. It was a shitty job; if he was able to use the chakra blades, things would have been quicker. Still, it was enough. Now, it was time to cut open Kakuzu. Hidan was relieved to have practiced on himself first; doing the procedure was easier now, especially the removal of each heart. They were far gone, black and shrivelled, so Hidan pulled the four of them out ruthlessly, flinging them as far away from him as he could. The far away splats made him nauseous all-over again. When he got to the fifth heart--the last one--Hidan sliced its veins carefully and pulled it out. This was Kakuzu's real heart; it was the heart that had lived in him for almost a century and the same heart that had loved and protected Hidan for a decade. This was  _ his _ heart.

_ 'Jashin, if you still want to make yourself useful, one last time, bless this heart. Let the bastard live, again.' _ Hidan prayed.

He kissed it, the heart dry of fluid like the others, and raised it to the heavens. This would work; it had to. Then, Hidan set it aside and pushed his hand back into his own chest cavity. With a yelp of pain, he pulled his still-beating heart out and held it. It was thundering furiously and soaked in blood, which now dribbled down Hidan's right arm.

"Alright. You got this. Nerves of steel, baby, nerves of steel." He coaxed himself.

With his free hand, Hidan pried back the skin folds of Kakuzu's torso and nestled his own heart into his partner. Thankfully (well, just as he assumed) it kept beating with vigor. Hidan wanted to scream, cry, and laugh at his success, but he was not done yet. He still needed to connect the arteries.

"Okay, Phase Two: stitches. Heh, thank Jashin you can never run out of those."

Hidan then dug around into Kakuzu's body and pulled a fistful of threads, heavy like lead. They were thick, yes, but they'd have to do. Without a needle, Hidan would have to use his fingers to thread through the skin, as well as close up Kakuzu's chest captivity (he'd worry about his own later). It would have to be quick but diligent work, both of which were not in Hidan's skill set. On top of that, the shinobi next to them was starting to gasp for air. Great. Fucking fantastic. Hidan was getting frustrated.

"Don't you die on me just yet, you little shit." He growled, untangling the swath of threads in his hands.

When the ninja only wheezed louder, Hidan sighed and moved to prop him up. Hopefully, the angle would help steady his breathing, but the man was of his least concern; Hidan's heart was starting to spaz in Kakuzu's chest.

"Son of of bitch!" Hidan cursed.

He immediately scurried over to his partner, his anxiety rising along with the thrashing of his heart. The stitching needed to be done carefully, otherwise a botched connection would cause Kakuzu internal bleeding. And Hidan was getting rather tired of blood. He thinned a piece of thread with his fingertips and got to work, using the same cross-stitching pattern that he had seen Kakuzu use on Deidara and himself so many times before. The exterior wasn't going to be pretty, but Hidan didn't need it to be--he just needed it to  _ work _ .

And so Hidan worked, tirelessly, to piece his partner's inside back together. Connecting the aorta was the most difficult, but once that was done, the rest of the valves sewed together smoothly, each starting to reconnect with the life force Hidan's immortality gave his organs. Hidan leaned back for a bit and wiped some sweat from his forehead, examining his work.

"This shit's gonna have to work..." He whistled.

Meanwhile, the ninja besides him started mumbling, talking nonsense the whole time Hidan was bent over his partner. The immortal actually felt bad; this guy didn't know what was going to happen to him and probably had loved ones or a family to return to. The only comfort Hidan had was the increasingly forced thought that Pein's attack probably crushed them already.

"Oh,  _ fuck _ , thank  _ fuck _ !" Hidan gasped as he finished the last vein. 

The heart--his heart-- started to pump blood. At first, it was so slow Hidan couldn't even tell if it was functioning, but soon Kakuzu's circulation system began to color and pick up a pace. Hidan was besides himself.

"Oh, Kakuzu, you sneaky piece of shit, you're gonna make it!" He crowed, "Can you hear me yet? I said you're  _ going to  _ **_make_ ** _ it _ !" 

And he did.

Kakuzu's eyes snapped open and he drew in the breath of life once more.

Yes, with  **_life_ ** .

He initially tried to sit up, but that only resulted in the immortal doubling over in a coughing fit, which sent Hidan into a panic.

"Hey, Kuzu, stop! Just lay the fuck down so you don't hack out my heart and I gotta do this shit all over again!" He protested, grabbing his partner's shoulders and holding him to the ground. 

Kakuzu, still in his own sense of panic, tried to wrestle away from Hidan and sit up, but was stopped when Hidan decided to sit on him, straddling him down and pinning his legs. Slowly, Kakuzu reached a hand to his partner's face.

"Hi..Hidan? Did you die too?"

Hidan looked down on him through a flow of tears and snot once more.

"No, asshat, I  _ saved _ you. You died but, like, only for a bit, and I revived you." Hidan tried to explain.

He leant into his partner's touch and burst forth a new stream of tears. Kakuzu looked up at him, perplexed.

"Why the tears, Hidan? Did you actually, truly miss me?"

His voice was raspy from misuse and his sentences were halting, but Hidan couldn't blame him. Whatever he was harboring: feelings of guilt, abandonment, anger; Hidan was going to stuff them down and deal with them another time. He grabbed one of Kakuzu's hands.

"I need you, okay?" He answered, "I fucking need you in my stupid life and I am never going to leave you ever again? You got that, huh? I am not going  _ anywhere _ and neither are you."

Kakuzu let out a weak chuckle.

"So I guess that's my curse? Sounds like eternal Hell to me." He joked.

Hidan wanted to punch him, but noticed the worried look on his face.

"Hidan...this heart is beating too fast..." Kakuzu said in a calm tone, but Hidan could hear the rising notes of anxiety.

He held Kakuzu by the shoulder and spoke in a hushed tone.

"Easy, easy, okay; mine heart is inside you. It just needs to stay this way until we get that other guy in you."

His words were met with a look of alarm. 

"You realize you could send me into cardiac arrest, right? Your heart rate is  _ alarmingly _ high."

"Well yours would be too after the shit I've been through. I can just take it out, if you want, then your heart rate will be  _ real _ nice and slow..."

"...no, I'm good. Somebody's going to have to carry us back home, anyways."

Hidan wouldn't tell Kakuzu about Pein's attack, or the Akatsuki just yet; he needed to replace the hearts and close the excessive amount of wounds in the area. Then they'd talk business. He made a move to sit Kakuzu up, but the older man groaned with pain on the first try. Something was caught.

"Hidan, my hair." he said softly.

_ 'Oh, shit.' _ Hidan thought.

He had forgotten that Kakuzu's hair--those thick, long locs--we tethered into his threads. Any movement would be painful; Hidan would have to cut the cords. Without a word, he took the now blood-soaked kunai and started to hack at the threads, but after a while, it was apparent that he wouldn't get through. With a frustrated sigh, Hidan staked the knife into the dirt and stopped. He had no other choice.

"Hey, Kuzu, I gotta cut your hair, bud." He whispered.

Kakuzu looked up at him with realization and soon averted his eyes. He looked like he was going to cry. In fact, tears were already welling up in his eyelids and Hidan could feel his breath getting shaky.

"Please, no." Kakuzu begged quietly.

Hidan, heartbroken, rolled off his partner and laid next to his side.

"I know, I know--hey! Kuzu, c'mon, you've survived more than this. It's just a haircut, just a little trim, that's all" He reassured.

"But, I won't look human anymore." He lamented.

Hidan nestled closer and held Kakuzu's head, rocking him as gently as he could. Of course Kakuzu was vain enough to be so attached to his hair! No doubt, it was beautiful, and Hidan  _ knew _ he loved it when he pulled at it, but he'd have to. Kakuzu wouldn't be able to free his threads solely on self-manipulation, so the choice had been made.

"I promise, Kakuzu, you're going to look fine. I'm great at cutting things." He said cheerfully.

Hidan wanted to laugh as Kakuzu rolled his eyes at the comment.

_ 'Some things don't change, huh?' _

"Fine, just please...please..." Kakuzu didn't finish his sentence, only trailed off with a forlorn look in his eyes.

Hidan nodded and got to work; he rested his partner's head in his lap, meticulously cutting out strands of hair as Kakuzu's quiet crying turned into sobs, and then wails. And all Hidan could do was reassure him with sweet words and quiet promises that, after this mess, they would find a place where no one would ever tear them apart again.

"Kuzu, bud, please. You're crying and shaking and I don't want to cut you. Just please--thanks, yes, perfect, now please stay still. For me? Can you take some deep breaths for me? Perfect...we're alright, we're alright, we're alright..."

And Hidan worked for the rest of the day, alternating between cutting out Kakuzu's hair and detaching the threads, until his partner was able to sit up freely. From there, Hidan scooched him and himself against a rock and took a breath.

"We need to get that second heart into me." Kakuzu sated.

Hidan nodded.

"Yeah, but do you have enough blood in you? My heart hasn't been in you long enough."

"Don't start that with me; do you have enough blood in  _ you _ ?"

"I don't think you're exactly in the position to tell me if I have enough blood on me."

"I said ‘ _ in’ _ , moron."

Hidan had to admit he was beginning to feel woozy, but now was not the time. He moved to his knees and dragged the fallen shinobi towards them; there was still some shallow breathing, but they were running out of time. Hidan wiped the kunai off on their victim's pants and started his third bypass of the day. It was quick work, but the process was necessary.

"Here; take it!" Hidan urged once he was done.

Kakuzu sent out some feeble threads to retrieve the heart. Moving at a snail's pace, it reeled in the organ, tucking back into his still-open chest cavity. Once the second heart was fused in, Hidan carefully recut his own heart and guided it back to his arteries, stitching them just as tightly. Luckily, Kakuzu had developed a technique that made his work biodegradable. Once his heart was in, Kakuzu got to work sewing both his and Hidan's chets closed again. It was grueling, but by the time the moon was out, they were done. Bloody, exhausted, and overwhelmed, but atlas, done.

Kakuzu finally reached to inspect his hair.

"It's hideous."

And Kakuzu was right; because of how the threads had varied in tightness, Hidan only was forced to cut some locs, but the outcome was unpleasant, Kakuzu's hair now uneven in length and frayed where the cords had to be yanked out rather then cut. For the second time that day, he weeped.

"Hidan, I am  _ hideous _ ." He said softly.

Hidan couldn't contain himself any longer. He leaned down and motioned for Kakuzu to lay on his chest, which the older man did. He didn't even hesitate. 

"Relax, you're still the sexiest, scariest motherfucker I've ever met," Hidan teased, "We can clean it up later."

Finally, Hidan let go: tears, once more, along with snot and cries and fervish promises all escaped from his lips. And Kakuzu responded with as much vigor, clutching to Hidan's torso and promising to never let them get separated and that he would never underestimate his savage, little partner ever again. And Hidan would be careful; he would be careful to never let Kakuzu be treated this way again. He'd walk through Hell to see him, fight every shinobi and danger in sight. Kakuzu was his and he would never find another like him. This was the truth he always sought--Hidan loved him. And he knew Kauzu loved him too.

Hidan, realizing they were both still naked, reached out and pulled The Akatsuki cloak over them, creating a makeshift blanket. 

"I grabbed our forehead protectors," He murmured, stroking Kakuzu's hair, "We'll make a plan tomorrow. Let's just get some fucking sleep for a change."

Kakuzu nodded in his chest, but looked up to him.

"Hidan, I care about you." He said, reaching to plant a kiss on Hidan's chin.

Through even more tears, Hidan smiled. And they spent the rest of the night weeping, joyful at having been finally reunited, relieved that they were alive once more. Kakuzu was worth more than any trial or tribulation Hidan ever faced and he'd follow him to the ends of the Earth if he had to. Anything to get his companion back. Because, deep down, he knew there was no other--and there wouldn't ever even  **_be_ ** another--for Kakuzu. They were devout only to each other--they were devout even when death did them apart.

And so, together, they breathed the breath of life once more.


	8. November 1: Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steamy..very steamy...
> 
> WARNING: MATURE SEXUAL CONTENT

"Can we please find some place to sleep?"

"No; we'll be late."

"Pein said we had to be back to base in three days!"

"And that was two days ago."

"Bullshit."

"Clearly you do not know how to count."

Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting in a small clearing, the autumn air dripping with leaves and the first signs of snow. They had recently been out in Earth country, searching through the Hidden Grass for any potential indictments in their Bingo Book. It had been a long and gruelling week, complete with bad weather, pesky shinobi scouts, and a rather persistent onslaught of squirrels Hidan had made the mistake of feeding once; the duo was in need of a break. Thankfully, they had made enough revenue to treat themselves. 

Kakuzu whipped out a map and began scanning it, Hidan immediately getting up and crawling over to peek over his partner's shoulder.

"How about here?" He said, pointing a finger at one of the scribbled houses.

Kakuzu shook his head.

"We were there last month; it would become suspicious." He objected.

"Well, how's this place?"

"They charge too much for a room. Plus, I heard a rumor that there was a recent rat infestation on the property."

"Hm. Kinky."

Kakuzu tried to shove Hidan away as he cackled, but the younger man peered closer.

"What's this one? The name doesn't sound too familiar." He suggested.

Kakuzu pushed his reading glasses up the bride of his nose and squinted at the drawing. The label read, **'Virgin Spring's Bathhouse Recovery Retreat'** . He smirked; they certainly didn't belong _there_. Hidan seemed to come to the same realization.

"Oh, you know anything about this place?" He asked, not trying to hide the rather lustful tone in his voice.

"Honestly, no," Kakuzu admitted, "Do you want to check it out?"

Hidan grinned.

"Fuck yeah! Beats sleeping with you on the ground for another night." He said.

So, as settled, the pair packed up their modest camp and began their journey upland. According to the map, the lodge seemed at least a day's travel away, so they decided to trudge through the night, hoping to save on some time. Hidan was right; Pein had sent them out to acquire revenue to support their next venture: the Nine Tails. They'd need to hire scouts, pay off witnesses, and continue to support themselves as a unit back home. In addition, medical equipment seemed to become scarce in Amegakure, so The Akatsuki--well, Konan, specifically--wanted to salvage as much as they could and donate goods to the poor. It was amusing; a group of mercenaries running a soup kitchen-esce system for the starving hoodrats of Hidden Rain, but it was her decree. She didn't ever ask for much, anyways. 

In any sense, Hidan and Kakuzu would have roughly a day or two to waste together, so they might as well do it somewhere with air conditioning and running water. Besides, it wasn't like they'd had much privacy recently; on top of the routine check-ins with Pein or Konan, the constant fear of being seen by civilians, and the uncanny ability Zetsu had of calling them into a meeting at the _worst_ time (let's just say, Hidan was a little too tied up to get to his own ring); Hidan and Kakuzu were always preoccupied with their missions. Plus, sex in the middle of the dark, cold woods was stimulating for only so many times. They needed some new territory.

Daytime came and went, as did the night, and by early afternoon Hidan and Kakuzu arrived at the doorstep of a rather impressive-looking inn, complete with a backyard bathhouse and what appeared to be a sauna. Even better, upon entering and requesting a room, there were very few residents at the time. It was the perfect setup.

Walking through the halls, Hidan could barely contain his excitement. 

"C'mon, Kuzu; we're going to absolutely tear this place up!" He chattered, "Are we gonna have a bath? A shower? Both?"

Kakuzu smirked as he checked their key.

"I'm hoping for both; this cost too much yen for anything less." He said.

They turned a corner and found their door: 666. Hidan broke into a giggle.

"OoooOooh. Are you ready to summon something tonight?" He jeered.

"Not in the slightest." Kakuzu said curtly, but in truth, he was just as excited.

He turned the doorknob and the door eased open, revealing a twin set of thick beds, a back porch, and a handsome coffee table. To the left, the duo discovered a second room with a sofa and a rocking chair. Truly, it was a treat. The bathroom, however, held some disappointment: all that was present was a small sink, a toilet, and a ridiculously tight-looking bathtub. Kakuzu frowned. There was no way in Hell they'd be able to use that. WIth a heavy sigh, Kakuzu moved to grab his belongings, motioning for Hidan to follow.

"Hey, where're you going?" He cried, bouncing off one of the beds and to his feet.

"I'm going to get a better room, one with a shower _and_ a bath." Kakuzu explained.

"Ugh, you stingy, old prick; this one's fine." Hidan countered, "Besides, it'll force us to be creative for a change."

"Oh, please; we are plenty--Hidan!"

Kakuzu was interrupted as his partner, somehow already undressed, slapped his ass. Hard. Then, before Kakuzu could retaliate, Hidan dove into the bathroom and locked the door. The sound of running water soon filled the air.

"Hidan! You better not use all the hot water, or so help me I will strangle you!" Kakuzu said, banging a fist irritatedly on the door.

"Oh, please; I inist!" Hidan replied from inside.

A loud splashing noise indicated that Hidan was already in a bath, so Kakuzu decided to undress as well. If Hidan was going to use up all the hot water, then he'd had to make him share. With a swift shove, Kakuzu popped the lock off the bathroom door and stepped in, a towel barely concealing his hips. Hidan, who was already laying out in the tub, sputtered and sat up straight.

"Shit, Kuzu! You're going to have to pay for that!" He protested.

Kakuzu ignored him as he discarded his towel and moved to join his partner. However, Hidan had other plans; he sprawled his arms and legs out, barricading the lip basin of the tub with his body. Kakuzu paused and propped his hands on his hips.

 _'Hard to get, hm? What else is new?'_ He mused.

But he leaned down, gripping both sides on the tub edge and smirking. Hidan returned the look with an equally oily smile.

"I thought you said this one wasn't big enough?" He leered.

Kakuzu dipped further and nuzzled Hidan, nipping lightly at his neck and earning a whisper of a whine.

"And didn't you say you wanted us to be more creative?" He smirked.

Hidan humed in agreement and scootched himself to one side, making room for Kakuzu. The taller man slid in, using the lip of the tub to lower himself in gently. Hidan, however, decided to immediately come up to him and kiss him, knocking water on the floor and Kakuzu almost out of the tub. With an indignant grunt, Kakuzu retaliated with equal force, incorporating nips and sucks into each kiss as they casually pushed against each other. Eventually, Kakuzu let Hidan win and slid under him, giving the smaller imortal a little leverage. Hidan took the bait in an instance and straddled his partner.

"Can we do massages after this?" Hidan asked.

He pressed himself closer into Kakuzu' lap and started to play with his hair. Due to a recent mishap involving Samehada and Konan's paper jutsu, Kakuzu had been forced to adopt a much shorter style, his hair and bangs barely shorter than Hidan's hair. Originally, he had adorably self-conscious of the new look, so much so that Hidan had made a conscious habit of complementing it or playing with it on a daily basis. It was repulsively precious and though Kakuzu would never admit it, Hidan knew he appreciated it. 

Kakuzu smiled and closed his eyes as he continued to rub his fingers through his hair and scalp. 

"Hm, we can. I'm not paying for one, though, so you better put out; my back is killing me." He replied, hugging Hidan closer by the small of his back.

"Oh, hehe, yeah, you and your arthritis," Hidan chuckled, "Honestly, I can't believe you haven't thrown your back out yet or popped a hip or some shit..."

He hugged Kakuzu's head close to his chest, gave his forehead a kiss, and slid off his lap to the opposite end of the tub, resulting in an almost silent groan from his partner. Separately, they took turns with the soap bar, Kakuzu scrubbing his hair thoroughly while Hidan worked diligently to lather his body. The last time they had a bath must've been months ago; hot water was an even rarer luxury when they were constantly on the move. Thus, the duo was more than happy to pause their intimacy in order to take advantage of the still-steaming water.

"So where do you want to fuck first?" Hidan blurted; he was reaching underwater to scrub his privates and held a look of pure concentration.

Kakuzu, who--as always--had brought a newspaper and his reading glasses to the tub, and looked up from the article he was looking to give him a disappointed look.

"Can't we sit and enjoy this for longer than a few minutes?" He complained.

"It's been over a half hour; and you said I couldn't count." Hidan objected.

"Well, be patient. I'm not done reading and you probably should give yourself a second scrub."

"Dude, are you calling me dirty?"

"Did I say that?"

"Hee, you know I'm dirty just for _you_."

Hidan tossed the soap out of the tub and leant further, stretching his legs out and propping a foot on Kakuzu's shoulder, sending droplets all over his reading material.

"If this is an invitation, you're going to have to be more alluring." Kakuzu stated, not looking up from up his now-soaking newspaper.

Hidan scowled and flicked some more water at him, forcing Kakuzu to look at him.

"Hey, you can read when you're dead, or is your body slowly losing its 'primal stamina', hm?"

He then started poking Kakuzu in the face with his toe, steadily inciting the frustration in his face. Finally, with a huff, Kakuzu tossed the sodden paper aside and clipped his glasses closed.

_'So you want stamina, hm? We shall see if you can handle that...'_

Out of sheer spontaneity, Kakuzu locked eyes with Hidan...and playfully licked the side of his foot. Hidan retracted in schock and squawked out a stream of surprised curses.

"Oh, ew! What the fuck, Kuzu?" He cried, "Don't tell me you got a fetish; I know we're kinky but we're not _that_ kinky!"

Kakuzu ignored him and smoothly positioned himself into a more crouched position, licking his way past Hidan's ankle, up his now propped leg, and closer to his pelvis. Meanwhile Hidan arched back and used the tub walls to push himself further up, making more room for his partner below. 

"Shut up; I'm too old to indulge in that type of foolish shit." Kakuzu murmured.

He gripped Hidan's thigh while pinning the other leg down, splaying out the immortal underwater. Then, he continued his path: first, he resumed licking at Hidan's inner side, making sure to leave an occasional nip or two (Hidan always shivered to those) and returned to some light sucking. Meanwhile, a fistful of tentacles subconsciously floated from his arms, wrapping Hidan's wrists to the tub's lip and slowly caressing his face. From there, Kakuzu continued to suck at the flesh between Hidan's thighs, earning him a wave of moans and sighs. Hidan, young as he was, was always more sensitive than him; it harbored a tiny spirit of jealousy in Kakuzu, but he could use it to his advantage. Hidan loved how possessive he could get and was more than happy to command his attention.

"Hm, Kuzu...can you get down there? No, not--yes, hm, perfect. Oh, fuck...sweet Jashin how do you always get..."

Hidan's babbling continued as Kakuzu moved closer to the water's surface, dipping his face in slightly as he moved towards the base. 

"Alright, Hidan, your choice: continue the ride, or get off now." He rumbled.

He felt Hidan hitch slightly.

"We can always go for a second round, just stop with the licking; it's too fucking ticklish and I want to be nice and steady when I aim." Hidan demanded.

"If you get yourself on my face again, I'm going to strangle you." Kakuzu said,

Hidan smirked, suddenly grabbing a fistful of his partner's hair and pushing his mouth underwater. Kakuzu, surprised, braced himself and started sputtering up water.

"Y'know, you keep saying that, but you just aren't delivering, Ka-ku- _zu_." He sneered.

Immediately, Kakuzu shot a hand up and wrapped his fingers around Hidan's neck, making sure to put _just_ the right amount of pressure to force a satisfied wheeze from the other man. 

"Ah, there's my little slut." Hidan rasped.

His eyes slowly rolled back into his head as Kakuzu got to work: if anyone from The Akatsuki asked, they would never know that it was Kakuzu who performed most of the oral. Sure, Hidan would indulge in the occasional blowjob every now and then, Kakuzu was the one who always enjoyed it most. It was a position of unnoticeable yet undeniable power, having the pleasure of making his partner writhe and pant to his touch, clawing at his hair and begging for more. When his hair was longer, Kakuzu absolutely pined for how hard Hidan would pull it, regardless of the countless times Hidan managed to yank his head too hard. 

Kakuzu gingerly took Hidan's length into his mouth, releasing a few threads from the back of his throat to tease his head. Hidan's response was expected; he continued to stroke and pull kakuzu's hair and started to beg for mercy.

"Okay, Kuzu, ugh, okay," He panted, "Can you go a little faster? Please? Ugh, I mean it, you dick, _please_?"

Kakuzu, who was practically underwater, paused to take a breath.

"Hmpf, impatient as always." He sneered.

Hidan took the break as an opportunity to break one of his bondages and pull Kakuzu back for a messy kiss; Hidan, drooling like a dog and Kakuzu, already drenched in his partner's precum. It was sticky, it was hot, and it was demanding. Kakuzu sent another swath of tendrils to hold Hidan's legs in place as he moved his hands up Hidan's abs and towards his face, grabbing the albino's silky hair and holding his head to kiss him harder. A stray thread--thicker than the others--dove back under water dove underwater and began to furiously rub against Hidan's shaft, forcing out an obnoxiously loud groan.

"Mmph, do it faster. I said--ugh! I _said_ ...d-do. It. _Faster_!" He moaned into his partner's mouth.

Kakuzu simply snorted in response and tightened his grip around Hidan's neck, forming a slight bruise.

 _'Faster, oh fucking--there! Yes...oh, Jashin, please!'_ He begged internally.

"Are you ready?" Kakuzu asked, breathing heavy.

"No, give me another two hours--of course I'm fucking--oh, _shit_! Ah...yes! Yes!" Hidan cried.

He used one of his free hands to grab Kakuzu's already erect shaft, Kauzu steadily producing hickeys whenever he found any alluring water droplets on his partner's collarbone. The older man writhed in pleasure as Hidan gripped him, moving at a pace that was way too fast to control. 

"Hidan..." Kakuzu groaned, "Why must you always rush it?"

Hidan chuckled darkly and picked up the pace further, refusing to answer. 

"Hidan...are you...ugh... _challenging_ me, hm?"

"D-depends; you're old. You probably will burst after another pump or two because you withered up balls just can't take it anymore"

"Hm, little brat, you are too impatient--you've been leaking this--agh--whole time..."

"Not if I can get in your ass first!"

Using his superior strength, Kakuzu lifted Hidan off him and flipped the younger man over face-first, sending water all over the tile floor. Before Hidan could protest, Kakuzu pushed himself in. He didn't even give a warning. Hidan was seeing stars.

" _Kakuzu you motherfucking_ **_paperclip!"_ ** He shrieked, "You need to learn how to _lubricate!"_

Kakuzu said nothing, only bearing a grin and he clamped his partner's hips, rocking with waves in the tub. The physics of the water proved useful; Kakuzu swayed in a steady motion while literally waterboarding Hidan, rising in deeper and pulling back dramatically in an intoxicatingly fluid motion. Meanwhile, Hidan continued his steady soliloquy, prasing Kakuzu, Jashin, and Kakuzu's dick in a never-ending song. It was _memorizing_.

""Hey, hey, hey! Let's finish out of the tub! It's chafing like Hell!" Hidan suggested--no, commanded.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh, but swiftly unsheathed himself from his partner, helping him twist around to face him.

"Alright, Hidan; since you're such a fragile, frail flower I guess--"

Hidan took his chance to launch himself onto Kakuzu, knocking them both out of the tub and onto the tile. Kakuzu landed on his back with a sharp grunt of pain, Hidan scrambling to position himself on top once more.

"Who said you get time up here?" He said smugly, "Last time I checked, your ass belongs right there, on the ground, underneath me."

"That's because you're always too bossy when you bottom." Kakuzu retorted.

He tried to sit up, but immediately felt a sharp pain in his back.

_'Song of a bitch...'_

Hidan, noting the pained look in his partner's face, automatically changed his demeanor, his forehead wrinkling in concern.

"Hey, Kuzu, you alright?" He asked.

He rolled off his stomach and allowed Kakuzu to sit up, which he did with some difficulty. Slowly, the Jashinist realized what was going on. He began to smile in a dickish grin.

"Oh, it seems I was right.."

"No; don't be an asshole. I'm fine."

"Hah, you clearly aren't!"

"Shut up."

"Oh, shit, I can't wait to tell Deidara...he owes me thirty yen..."

"I said I'm _fine_."

"Uh, yeah, sure you are."

Kakuzu rolled over and onto his knees, wincing the whole. 

"This is your fault, moron." He snapped.

"Aw, c'mon; don't be such a grumpy, little bitch about it. I'm really sorry." Hidan cooed.

He motioned to help Kakuzu, but the older man batted him away. Undeterred, Hidan stood and swiftly hooked his biceps under Kakuzu's armpits, dragging the irritated and kicking immortal into the bedroom. From there, Kakuzu begrudgingly allowed Hidan to help him into bed, where the albino flopped down next to him, curling against his side.

"You still able to finish, Gramps, or are we going to have to continue after we ice your back?" Hidan teased.

Kakuzu growled at him, earning an equally invigorated snarl, complete with Hidan's signature bright, white teeth.

"Just climb on and get done," Kakuzu sighed, "If you don't I'll beat your ass straight out of here."

"Hm, yes sir!"

Hidan, once again, straddled Kakuzu.

"Alright, before we continue: any toys? blindfolded? Want some thread-shit again?" Hidan asked.

"Let's just get off; you already choked me underwater." Kakuzu suggested.

"Bitch, so did you!"

"And you enjoyed it."

"Damn right I did; every, single minute of it!"

Hidan grinned and planted a kiss on his partner's forehead, causing Kakuzu to smile. Of course they'd take advantage of the privacy; they rarely got any and always were overjoyed to spend as much of it as intimately as possible. It was endearing; Hidan's hummign and how ticklish he was, the brash, unapologetically defiant demeanor he always embodied; Kakuzu's constant suaveness and ability to soften under the gentlest of touches. Regardless of the banter, the arguments, and the frequent fight, they loved their time together, every waking minute of it.

Hidan leaned in and kissed Kakuzu's neck, producing a slight moan of pleasure.

"You want me to take a turn? That way you don't have to be uncomfortable?" He suggested.

Kakuzu reached a hand up and held his partner's chin.

"Hello no; you've bit before, like the little demon you are."

Hidan looked offended.

"Pussy; it was _one_ time!"

"The teeth scars on my testicles say otherwise."

Hidan gaved an exaggerated sigh.

"Fine, vanilla shit it is. Try and keep up."

Hidan lifted his partner's legs up over his shoulders and slid in, using their combined leak to lubricate Hidan as he pushed in deeper and deeper. Kakuzu exhaled and relaxed; Hidan was always so pushy to take charge, and though Kakuzu could (and sometimes would) completely dominate his partner, it was nice to let him do all the work. Besides, Hidan's ever-growing ego was rather alluring sometimes.

"Okay, round two!" Hidan crowed, "Oh, how does it feel to have me inside you, huh? Fuck, it's been like what, two, three months? Oh, _fuck_ , I love being inside you!"

Kakuzu chuckled and hinged his pelvis at an upward angle, simultaneously stretching his back and providing Hidan with the optimal angle. Thankfully, they had already dealt with the majority of the buildup, so the procession went quickly. Hidan continued to work at a snail's pace, soon moving to press himself on top of his partner, Kakuzu clawing at his back and Hidan digging his fingertips into some of the larger shoulder stitches. 

"Ooh, isn't this great? No interruptions, no stupid ass Zetsu creepin' on us; we don't have to compete with Sasori no Deidara for loudness--"

"--yes because that's what everyone on base what's to hear, a moaning contest--"

"--and we get to trash a inn room just for fun and--"

"--how can you even talk this much?"

Hidan grinned and let out his loudest moan by far, causing Kakuzu to cringe. But, regardless, he was happy; truly, wonderfully happy. They both were.

"Kakuzu, um, I'm, like-- **_ah!_ **\--yeah..."

Hidan started to pant and picked up the pace at an alarmingly vigorous rate. Likewise, Kakuzu had also started to speed up his thrusts, the bed practically shaking under their efforts. Once again, Kakuzu grasped Hidan's neck and held tightly, producing a sadistic smile and an arrogant glint in Hidan's eyes. Kakuzu grinned; Hidan had started pulling his hair. Again.

"You ready?" Hidan gasped, burying his face into his chest.

"Y-yes."

Hidan pressed closed and Kakuzu wrapped his arms snug around Hidan, who was biting into his chest stitches to (unsuccessfully) quiet his groans. Hidan loved this; the sweat, the banter, the undeniably animalistic behavior he incited in his partner. All of it was incredible; it was the perfect way to rebound from a long mission together. 

"O-okay...sweet _motherfucking_ Jashin..."

"Hngh, Hi- _dan!"_

 _"Oh,_ oh, sorry...Ka-ku- _zu_...hahaha--"

Together; everything they did was together.

Hidan, slippery with sweat and his own cum, unsheathed and collapsed, letting his body sink into Kakuzu and the cool sheets. They laid there breathing heavily and exhausted, until, with a sudden burst of energy, Kakuzu rose and flipped Hidan to the bottom. The younger man was more than happy to be manhandled once more.

"Did your Viagra finally kick in?" He sneered, fingering a stray thread that was floating by his head.

Kakuzu propped himself up by his elbows, shimmying his torso between Hidan, who wrapped his legs around him.

"You're a dumbass." He said lovingly.

"Yeah, but I'm your dumbass." Hidan teased.

He craned his neck up and kissed him, flicking his tongue in and out lazily. Kakuzu pressed in, deepening the kiss further.

"I think we've had enough fun for tonight, hm?" He gave one last, deep suck against Hidan adam apple, releasing a content sigh.

"But, don't worry, in the morning, I promise to ravage you, ravash you, and fuck you so hard you won't be able to even _kneel."_

_*************************************_

Morning came and woke Hidan gently. He was in the second bed--the clean one--and could smell coffee and some type of breakfast food. Besides him, Kakuzu was turned, facing him and tightly wrapped in their blanket. Hidan smiled sleepily. The bastard cocooned just like he did. Gingerly, Hidan pried some of the blanket open and snuggled in, pressing his back into his partner's chest. He felt safe, warm, and happy. Truly happy. 

"Do you know how much I adore you?" He whispered, "Do you know how much I cherish and worship, how you help me and make it whole? Do you know that I care about you more than anything else on this Earth?"

Hidan eased his sleeping partner onto his stomach and gently sat on top of him, reaching to grab a bottle of hand lotion from the nightstand. He had promised him a massage, afterall. 

"Hm, you're just a big, ol' softie, y'know that?" He crooned, "Gotta work out all those aches and pains, gotta relieve some tension from all the mayhem I put us through..."

Hidan kneaded through his partner's back muscles, debating whether he'd draw another bath for them...the day earlier had more or less been just a location for their activities... maybe an actual hot bath would be nice...

"Hmm...Hidan, can you crack my back?"

Kakuzu stirred underneath him, his heart's thumping to a drowsy rhythm. Hidan smiled lazily and peered down, looking at his partner from an upside-down angle.

"Good morning, sunshine! Ready to seize the fucking day?" He sang.

Kakuzu grunted and pulled the pillow over his head; Hidan yanked it off and threw it across the room. He then pushed harder into the muscle in Kakuzu's nape, earning a relieved groan.

"I promise I'll give you one after we clean up." He murmured, content.

_******************************_

Eventually, the pair ended up back in the tub, their legs dangling over each other's shoulder to accommodate for the lack of space. They spent the morning chatting and drinking coffee and gossiping about their team back home. Recently, Itachi had a run-in with his younger brother and Kisame just would not shut up about it....

"Kuzu, I gotta be honest with you; you really had me spooked." Hidan said casually.

Kakuzu titled his head back, cocking an eyebrow.

"Hm, and how so?"

"You were unhinged; you were howling like some desperate, howling demon," Hidan smirked, "You frightened me."

"Ah, and are you saying Hidan of Yugikaure gets frightened; you're the demon here." Kakuzu mused.

Hidan stretched his arms behind his back.

"You frightened me...why don't you come over here and do it again."

Kakuzu leered and benty forward to meet his partner with a miss. Suddenly Hidan started laughing. Kakuzu furrowed his brow in pleasant confusion.

"What?" He asked.

Hidan gently grabbed his face, making an exaggerated show of examining. 

"What's with your eyes?" He asked.

"What about them?"

"I dunno; they're weird. Like watermelons or some shit."

Kakuzu turned his head to kiss his partner's fingertips.

"Only you would come up with something like that."

They broke into a small fit of laughter, happy to be in each other's company. After a while Hidan breached the topic they both had in mind:

"So...round three on the rocking chair?"

"...go get the lube." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, you guys, please let me know if I'm getting better at this. I hardly write smut and am trying to use as many opportunities as I can to improve my craft. ;)


	9. October 30: To Be Tender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said earlier, i will be doing some second prompts as a bit of a "B-Side" to my collection...here's Hidan, letting his mind wander, thinking about the most important thing in his life.

_ As I lay dying, _

_ (Yes, for surely we are dying, however much slower than others) _

_ I cannot help but think of you. _

_ I love and  _ **_cherish_ ** _ you _

_ And every fiber in you. _

_ As I lay with you, _

_ The weather warm and grass green, _

_ The world outside barely rising _

_ And we are still in bed, _

_ I realize your nose is broken like mine. _

_ What? Have you also taken too many punches to? _

_ Have you been beaten and wrecked like I have? _

_ You are by my side, _

_ Your mask off and your hair down _

_ And fast asleep. _

_ You feel  _ **_safe_ ** _ enough to sleep when I am around. _

_ How did I manage to do that to you? _

_ You are latched so tightly to me, _

_ As if I would run away _

_ Or disappear; _

_ As if I could ever leave you! _

_ Your nestled close to me, _

_ Your hand on my heart-- _

_ Yes, my immortal heart only beats for  _ **_you_ ** _. _

_ As I lay watching, _

_ Watching your chest rise and fall with the breath of life _

_ I cannot help but realize _

_ How loudly you snore. _

**_Fuck_ ** _. _

_ Maybe that nose really has been broken a few too many times! _

_ I kiss your forehead and linger slightly, _

_ Your eyes are squeezed shut but at any moment you could come alive, _

_ Yes;  _ **_alive!_ **

_ I love being alive with you. _

_ I love being by your side. _

_ I will always love being by your side. _

_ I hug you tighter to me, _

_ My one arm lazily around your neck. _

_ You deserve the world _

_ And all that is good _

_ Because you have been treated so poorly _

_ (We both have) _

_ And you do not deserve to feel lowly, _

_ Or ugly, _

_ Or homely. _

_ You deserve to feel at peace _

_ Just how I am at peace when I am with you. _

_ As I lay living, _

_ Breathing in the same breath as you do, _

_ I cannot help but realize how much you mean to me. _

_ I cannot help but kiss you, _

_ Softly, _

_ Like Angel-face's wings. _

_ I cannot help but love you _

_ And care for you _

_ And want to caress your hair _

_ Or bless your hearts _

_ Or hear your low voice _

_ Over and over _

_ Again. _

_ The sun has risen, _

_ The lights seeping in _

_ And I _

_ Nuzzle my face against yours; _

_ Oh how tired you always look! _

_ You carry the weight of the world-- _

_ My world _

_ \--On those strong shoulders of yours. _

_ I would protect you with my life, _

_ Fight for you with my dying breath. _

_ I will. _

**_I absolutely will._ **

_ Look at you: _

_ Still and silent and sweet _

_ Like I've always known you as _

_ Deep within. _

_ Looking at at _

_ I tell you the truth; _

**_"I love you."_ **

_ And I swear, _

_ Swear on Jashin's soul, _

_ You're smiling in your sleep. _

_ I reach a finger, _

_ Tracing those beautiful lines, _

_ Yes they are absolutely, _

_ Positively _

_ Beautiful. _

_ And I smile as well, _

_ For I know surely _

_ That  _

_ As we laying loving, _

_ We cannot be separated. _

_ Nothing _

_ Can take you away from me, _

_ Or me from you. _

_ I brush the hair from your eyes; _

_ Your thick and luscious hair, _

_ That I adore brushing out _

_ While you tell me stories of old, _

_ And touch those lines once more. _

_ Your village did not deserve you. _

_ Only  _ **_I_ ** _ deserve you now. _

_ I pull your head even closer to my chest, _

_ Your chin fitting into my collarbone. _

**_"I love you!"_ **

_ You'd lector me, _

_ Tell me that we cannot love each other, _

_ That the team is far more important. _

_ And sure, _

_ They all matter too. _

_ But I disagree! _

_ You're just so damn  _ **_endearing._ **

_ I care about you, _

_ Kuzu, _

_ I care about you. _

_ It's okay, _

_ I tell myself as I put my lips to your hairline, _

_ It's okay. _

_ I know you're too macho to admit it. _

_ It's totally alright. _

_ After all, _

_ We have all the time in the world. _

**_"I care for you"._ **

_ And you roll over, _

_ Practically squishing me, _

_ And your eyes flutter open; _

_ Damn, _

_ Those eyes get me every time! _

**_"I care for you too."_ **


	10. October 29: Folklore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I was having such a good time putting some of these prompts into verse...here's a little diddy Shikadai tells to his grandchildren (yep we're post-Boruto...who would have thought) about the terrifying foes his father fought.

_ There once was a man, _

_ So frail and old, _

_ That children did come hither _

_ To hear the stories he told! _

_ He was wise as a willow _

_ And like a great oak he was bold, _

_ So it was no surprise anyone _

_ What story he sold: _

**_"Come here,"_ **

_ He beckoned, _

**_"Come here Ino-Shika-Cho,"_ **

_ And he'd pull some chairs  _

_ And make some tea _

~~_ To tell a story about you and about me. _ ~~

**_"Behold! I will tell you the story of your great-grandfather,"_ **

_ He announced, _

**_"A story about my father"_ **

**_"Who braved war and fought for peace"_ **

**_"Who continued on our legacy through me"._ **

_ And the little ones, _

_ Always three in total, _

_ Look at the old man with wonder and glee. _

**_"Tell us, father!"_ **

_ The smallest one cried. _

**_"Yes tell us,"_ **

**_"Sensei Shikadai!"_ **

_ And the man smiled and nestled into his chair, _

_ Enjoying all the stories he'd soon share. _

**_"I will tell you the tale of two men,"_ **

**_"Whom my father fought."_ **

_ The littlest, _

_ Her black hair tied in a band, _

_ Raised her hand and asked: _

**_"Weren't they the demons to us you taught?"_ **

_ And Old Man Shikadai nodded _

_ And smiled with grim. _

**_"Yes; oh what sin!"_ **

**_"What misery,"_ **

**_"What pain they did bring."_ **

_ He lit a candle and doused the lights, _

_ Threw the children a blanket _

_ And told them to wrap up tight. _

**_"I'll tell you a tale so gruesome,"_ **

**_"It will keep you up all night!"_ **

_ And thus began: _

**_"Once, before you were born,"_ **

**_"My father was on mission--"_ **

_ The kids eyes grow wide _

**_"--A mission of vengeance!"_ **

~~_ Ugh how snide! _ ~~

**_"He travelled far and wide"_ **

**_"With your grandparents too,"_ **

_ He explained as he nodded at the other two, _

**_"And they searched everywhere"_ **

**_"For no one who harms The Leaf and gets away so easily,"_ **

~~_ HAHAHAHA _ ~~

~~_ As if. _ ~~

~~_ Hush; _ ~~

~~_ Let him continue: _ ~~

**_"My father lead our their team to a clearing,"_ **

**_“Peering,"_ **

**_"Watching these two fiends_ **

**_"And hearing"_ **

**_"Of their dastardly plan."_ **

**_'We'll catch the nine-tails and escape the land!'_ **

**_'And have another beautiful bounty on our hands!'_ **

_ Old Man Shikadai threw a hand to his face, _

_ The children's eyes agape and excited, _

**_"Oh, those two had the power to frighten!"_ **

_ And he talked of the Masked Monster, _

_ With tentacles of lead and a scowl of stone, _

_ And of the Reaper God, _

_ With his tar-black  _

_ And bone-daddy white _

_ skin tone _

_ And his violent violet vicious eyes-- _

~~_ What? _ ~~

~~_ Eyes always on the prize baby! _ ~~

~~_ Shut up and let the man continue! _ ~~

**_"They were celebrating their victory,"_ **

**_“Having slain a great ninja,"_ **

**_"And were ignorant of the avengers' presence!"_ **

_ (No you fabricated this shit didn't cha?) _

**_"My father separated the Reaper,"_ **

**_"Cornered him good;"_ **

~~_ And lemme guess I just roll over? _ ~~

~~_ You should. _ ~~

~~_...bitch you're rude. _ ~~

**_"He tricked the pair!"_ **

_ Shikadai sent shadows _

_ To dance to his tune _

_ As he spindleled his story _

_ And excitedly crooned: _

**_"He caught the Reaper,"_ **

**_"Off in the woods,"_ **

**_"Made him stab the Masked Monster's heart"_ **

~~_ \--You know I still feel bad about that _ ~~

~~_ I know; it's alright now-- _ ~~

**_"And THUD!"_ **

_ The children with their eyes wide, _

**_"The Reaper thought his friend had died!"_ **

_ But Shikadai spied _

_ Some tears in the little Cho's eyes. _

**_"Did he try to save his friend?"_ **

_ Shikadai nodded solem _

_ And replied; _

**_"Yes he did"._ **

**_"But our ancestors stopped him--"_ **

~~_ I hate this part. _ ~~

~~_ Me too. _ ~~

_ " _ **_My father tied up the fool tight"_ **

**_"While the others gave The revived Masked Man quite a fight!"_ **

**_"Because our great-grandparents are too clever!"_ **

**_"Yeah!"_ **

_ And the little kiddies cheered _

_ For because of their ancestors _

_ Konoha had nothing now to fear. _

_ Shikadai smiled and held up a finger-- _

**_"Shikamaru faced his Sensei's killer,"_ **

**_“Looking the brute in the eyes;"_ **

**_"Oh; he was brimming with despise!"_ **

_ And Shiakdai's shadows danced the scene: _

_ A man facing a god _

_ Who tied him above a pit _

_ And set fire to his spirit, _

_ Treated him lower than spit. _

_ And the Masked Monster _

_ pigeon-holed with lightning _

_ By a couple of Hokages; _

_ Oh; how frightening! _

**_"But your ancestors are heroes,"_ **

_ Shikadai explained, _

**_"They helped end wars and sadness"._ **

**_"Did they bring peace?"_ **

_ The little Ino asked. _

_ Shikadai smiled a faraway smile, _

_ Retracted his dancing shadows _

_ And stayed silent for a while. _

**_"Yes they did"._ **

**_"And what about the two scaries?"_ **

_ The tiny Shika asked, _

**_"What about them?"_ **

~~_ Should we tell her? _ ~~

~~_ I dunno; maybe? _ ~~

_ But Shikadai beckoned her to his lap, _

_ Kissed her little nose and replied; _

**_"They stay buried in their graves"_ **

**_“And away from our home"_ **

**_"For they never stood a chance"_ **

**_“Against the Ino-Shika-Cho"_ **

**_"That I've known."_ **

_ And so Sensei Shikadai rounded up the young, _

_ And tucked them in bed sweetly, _

_ Promising them there'd be more fun _

_ On the morrow. _

_ ~*~*~ _

~~_ What a bunch of lies. _ ~~

~~_ I know right? _ ~~

~~_ It took a lot more than lightning to take me down. _ ~~

~~_ And what about my monologue?! _ ~~

~~_ What about it? _ ~~

~~_ That withered old shit left it out! _ ~~

~~_ Oh please; the story is better without it. _ ~~

~~_ Sure thing; asswipe. _ ~~

~~_ But I agree: _ ~~

~~_ Absolutely horrible production; I want a refund. _ ~~

~~_ Honestly; me too, _ ~~

~~_ But hey- _ ~~

~~_ What? _ ~~

~~_ We can just keep making on own stories; _ ~~

~~_ They're much cooler anyways. _ ~~

~~_ I agree. _ ~~


	11. November 2: Free Day (Day of the Dead)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who thought it was a good idea to give these boys a ouija board?

Hidan barreled through the cabin door, announcing his presence with a dubious box and maniacal laugh. 

" ** _Behold_ **, my dudes!" He crowed, throwing the object on the table.

Around him, The Akatsuki had established camp; Pein had directed everyone out on a retreat in order to improve and perfect their combined attack moves, finding an abandoned cabin out in the heart of Land of Forests as their makeshift base. Currently, the conditions were cramped: with only five beds available, the men were forced to share; Kakuzu and Hidan gladly taking a bed together (though not without some bickering), Kisame and Itachi sharing, a tight squeeze between Deidara, Sasori, and Tobi, and Pein and Zetsu sharing. Konan had (without objection) staked out a bed for herself. The week so far had brought plenty of disasters: Samehada escaping and terrorizing a herd of deer, the routine arguing (which almost always led to wrestling) between Hidan and Kakuzu, Deidara blowing up the cabin's chimney, Sasori bribing Tobi and Itachi (with sweets, as always) to help him kidnap a new specimen for one of his puppets. It was chaos. Thus, it was only fitting for Hidan to amplify the energy.

"What the Hell did you bring here?" Kakuzu asked.

He had been sitting on their bed, skimming his Bingo Book and doing his best to ignore his partner's extreme antics throughout the week. Kisame, puttering around in the kitchen, came into the room, followed by an equally curious Itachi.

"What is it?" He asked, untying his apron and peering at the table.

"It's a ouija board!" Hidan proclaimed.

Kisame immediately grabbed and swatted at the game, sending it skidding off the table and onto the floor.

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Hidan shrieked, diving to the ground the pick up the pieces.

"Hey, you know what that is, right?" Kisame objected, "That stuff is _really_ bad."

Hidan spat out some curses and tossed the game pieces back on the table, carefully laying out the board game piece. Itachi peered over his shoulder and picked up the planchette.

"I've heard of these; don't you already have some sort of soul-summoning power, Hidan?" He inquired.

"Nah, raven-girl, not me: Jashin can summon the dead--I just send the souls to him." Hidan replied.

With a sigh, Kakuzu tossed his reading material on to his pillow and stood. 

"You realize those are fake; they're just a product designed to play into the consumer force's superstitions." He mentioned.

"Oh, yeah, okay Mr. Capitalism, shit all over my good fun!" Hidan grumbled, "You're just scared this little fucker's gonna work."

"Uh, that's because it _is_ going to work." Kisame interjected.

"Oh, please, these things don't work," Kakuzu said, "You'd be an absolute idiot to take them seriously."

"But what if it does?" Itachi asked.

"It says for ages five and up; do you think business executives would trust children to summon demons?!" Kakuzu argued.

The group crowded the table, arguing and taking turns reading the labels and instructions, when Deidara and Sasori arrived, both soaking and shivering.

"You'd think we'd leave Ame for drier weather, but _no_ , not with The Akatsuki..." Sasori grumbled, doing his best to shake his hat of droplets.

They hung up their cloaks and joined the others.

"What are y'all arguing about, hn? We could hear you a mile away." Deidara asked.

Kisame directed his hand at Hidan.

"This dumbass wants to play with a ouija board." He explained.

Deidara and Sasori gaved the group a doubtful look.

"No way, hn," Deidara insisted, "No way that works; you can't summon ghosts. They have their own rights; they summon themselves!"

"No, this might work." Sasori mused.

"But that's an obstruction of ghost justice, hn!"

"So? Our very existence is an obstruction of justice; we live to ruin the social constructs of others."

"Then we must liberate the ghosts! Free them of their homely shackles, hn!"

"I can't believe we're arguing about ghosts' liberal rights." Kakuzu groaned.

He swiped the board from Deidara's hands and made a move to grab the planchette from Hidan, but the younger immortal dodged out of the way.

"Give it, Hidan; the only thing I'm willing to summon is your bratty ass sleeping on the floor tonight." He demanded.

"Nah, you can't sleep without your little spoon," Hidan smirked, "Besides, if you don't believe in these things, what's the harm in trying?"

"I agree, hn, let's give it a go!" Deidara joined in.

Kakuzu retracted his outstretched hand and crossed his arms, looking to the others for support. Itachi shrugged, as did Sasori (although with less indifference), while Kisame put his hands up.

"I'm telling you, this stuff works." He warned.

"Then let's hop to it, boys!" Hidan crowed, "Dei, set me up with some candles...get your robes and douse the lights; it's gotta be extra spooky."

Kakuzu face palmed; any minute now, Konan, Pein, and Tobi would be back. They would sort this out, or at least Konan would. He sighed and decided to join in with the others.

"Fine; it's made up, anyways." He grumbled.

He sat down at the table, watching Deidara flick candles on and Hidan read the instructions aloud. What a waste of time. Kisame and Itachi sat together, the shark-man looking exceptionally nervous as his partner stared intently at the board. Sasori returned from their kitchen with a bottle of wine.

"You're seriously not going to get drunk at a time like this." Kakuzu said.

Sasori shrugged and sat down, uncorking the bottle. He hadn't even brought a glass.

"Who cares? like you said: this isn't even going to work, anyways." He said dubiously.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes as Deidara flicked off the lights.

"Okay, dipshits, here we go," Hidan announced, "Now, as the harborer of this fantastic idea, I will be asking the questions. Everybody, place your hands on the planchette; we're going to move in a circle."

Him, Deidara, Sasori, and Itachi each grabbed a corner of the disc, leaving Kakuzu and Kisame to observe forlornly. 

"Itachi, are you kidding me? These things are _evil_." Kisame insisted.

"I've probably dealt with worse." Was the casual reply.

Together, The Akatsuki who were holding the planchette bade greeting in unison, giving the device three circles. To none of their surprise, the air had turned incredibly cool, as if something had snuffed out all sources of heat in an instance. 

"Aright; everyone ready?" Itachi asked.

A handful of nods gave way and Hidan cleared his throat.

"Okay, here goes..." He said.

For a brief second, he blanked; what even was a good question? Was he actually immortal? Did Jashin really exist? Would Kakuzu ever let him fuck him in the ass just once like jeez it's not that bad....

"Hidan, hn, pick something!" Deidara whispered impatiently.

"Alright, alright!" Hidan replied, "Um...when will I die?"

Kisame immediately stood and tossed his glass against the wall, the shatter startling everyone.

"Oh, for heaven's sake; you do _not_ ask the Board that!" He cried, "Are you _insane?!"_

"Only slightly." Hidan replied with a shrug.

"Of course he doesn't follow the rules..." Kakuzu mumbled.

"You never ask questions about yourself!" Kisame affirmed.

"Lol, okay, then, when is Deidara going to die?" Hidan asked.

"Are you _kidding_ me?!"

A chorus of protests erupted as Deidara immediately burst into tears, Sasori cursing out Hidan and threatening to poison him. Meanwhile the planchette crawled across the board, touching numbers ever so slightly.

"Hidan, hn, you fucking jerk!"

"Hey, man, you're the one that says everything is temporary."

"I swear, if anything funny happens tonight, I'm going to fill your bed with scorpions!"

"Hey, guys, the thing's--"

"Not now, Uchiha."

" _Please_ do not; I sleep in that bed too."

"Oh, don't be such a pussy, Dei; I'm sure it won't be _that_ soon..."

"Guys! It's _moving!"_

"Hn, you don't get to say that!"

"Bitch of course I do; I'm a pioneer of death! If I can survive decapitations and Kakuzu's power kink, I think you can survive one measly, little attack from a ghost."

"Why must you always bring that up?"

"That's because _you're_ immortal and I'm _not!"_

 _"Boys!_ It **_moved."_ **

The arguing stopped as Kisame pointed a warry finger at the board. The planchette had settled on the number **'ONE'.** The room was absolutely dead-silent.

"What now?" Itachi whispered.

"I dunno," Hidan replied, "Is that the answer?"

Slowly, the planchette moved towards **'YES'.**

"Oh, shit, oh fuck..."

"It could mean anything;" Itachi mused, "One year? One month? One day? Maybe even one hour...."

"Are you moving it?" Deidara demanded, "Hn, because if you're messing with me, I _swear_ I'lI will stuff you with C4!"

"Dude, I'm barely touching it!" Hidan objected.

"Hm, might be an actual ghost, then." Sasori hiccupped.

"Danna I thought you were on my side!"

"I'm drunk, Dei; I do what I want."

"Lightweight." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Hey, you don't get to talk...don't forget what happened in Hidden Sand, alright." Kisame whispered with a nudge.

"Try another question!" Deidara demanded.

"You ask this time." Hidan pouted, pushing the planchette towards the blonde.

Immediately, Kisame swore and put his face into his hands. With a drunken chuckle, Sasori mimicked him.

"Hidan, jeez, only one person can be the mediator...and you don't take your hands off the device! It allows the Board's doorway to remain active!" He sighed, exasperated.

"Ah, please, don't be so scared, you superstitious piece of sushi." Hidan said breezily.

"That wasn't even creative." Kakuzu sighed.

He stood, intent on finding the lightswitch and putting an end to this whole charade. It was probably Tobbi and Zetsu's doing some elaborate prank they may have roped Pein into to move the piece. Either way, it was a waste of everyone's night.

"Okay, next question; are there any spirits among us?" Hidan ventured.

 _"Hic!_ So basic." Sasori muttered.

He took a hand off the planchette to reach for his bottle, but Kisame slapped it away from him.

 _"Hands. On. The._ **_Device!"_ ** He seethed.

Sasori rolled his eyes and mumbled something, but touched his fingers back to the piece. Together, the four playing felt the planchette suddenly jerk forward, then roudevue back to ' **YES'**. Deidara started to whimper.

"So there is something here." Itachi said.

"Ask it something funny." Sasori suggested.

"You're not supposed to do that." Kisame stated.

"Bite me; Mr. Ghost, do you like pussy?" Hidan asked.

He and Sasori broke into a fiit of giggling.

"Of course, don't listen to me; it's not like I know what I'm talking about..." Kisame mumbled.

"You're going to make it mad, hn!" Deidara peristsed.

"Oh, I assume it's already mad." Itachi stated.

"Shut up, Uchiha..."

"But I'm being serious."

The plachette--void of their touch--suddenly moved to **'GOODBYE'**. Then, it flung itself on to the floor.

Nobody moved.

"I'm going to kill Tobi..." Kakuzu seethed.

A rustling was heard in the far corners of the room, causing everyone present to turn in that direction.

"Hidan, what did you do..." 

"Shut up, Emo Ponytail! I didn't do shit!"

"Clearly, you did something."

"Well, whatever it is," Kakuzu said, stalking over to a corner, "I'm going to take care of it."

Before anyone could protest, the candles all blew out.

"Fuck, hn, we pissed it off." Deidara whispered.

"Whatever 'it' is, I'm sure it isn't a match for us." Hidan said arrogantly.

He got up and fumbled around for his scythe, only managing to trip over his pike and cut himself. He let out a stream of curses; something had grabbed his ankle. Then: hissing.

In an instance, the room erupted with movement: Kisame diving to grab Samehada, Itachi summoning a murder of crows, Deidara and a very tipsy Sasori backing into their synchronized defense stance; it was chaos. Kakuzu let some tendrils slip from his wrists, feeling around the cabin for any unwanted guests. 

"Hidan, don't do anything rash." Kakuzu warned.

He had felt his way towards his partner and swiftly wrapped a thread around his waist, acting as a link of protection. The presence in the corner was not rushing the Akatsuki, passing through them with an incredible force. Kakuzu felt Hidan grab his hand.

"I got you." He whispered.

Kakuzu grunted in reply, but kept his eyes on what he thought was the direction of the spirit. He was going to _murder_ Tobi.

"Guys, we need to say goodbye to send it away." Kisame's voice warned.

"Well, somebody find the board, then." Came Sasori's reply.

Together, the men began shuffling their feet on the floors, feeling in hopes of touching the vessel. Finally, Kakuzu touched it with his foot.

"Got it."

A flicker of flames from Itachi provided light as the group returned to the table with the planchette and board.

"Okay, everyone who was participating--take hold, circle three times, and say goodbye." Kisame instructed.

Itachi, Deidara, Hidan, and Sasori took hold and began circling, but before saying farewell the Jashinist stopped them.

"Wait," He asked, "How many of you shitturds are here with us? Cuz you _know_ we can beat your crusty asses anytime, any place."

Again, the room erupted in protest, but the planchette, nevertheless, confirmed an answer: **'GOOD LUCK'**. Kakuzu took this chance to swipe the board from the group, busting it in half over his knee. Kisame was besides himself.

"Do **_none_** of you ever listen to me?" He roared, "You _don't_ destroy the board _and you need to say_ ** _goodbye!"_**

"But we did!" Hidan objected.

"No; you and your arrogant, braindead ass just asked a question, and a rather offensive one too!"

Hidan brushed the comment off with a wave of his hand.

"Don't be pissed at me; bitch at the guy who busted up the ghosts' home!" He retorted.

"Oh, for the love of _Hell,"_ Kakuzu cried, "This is obviously Tobi or Zetsu fooling around with us!"

On cue, the rest of The Akatsuki--Pein and Konan included--bursted in.

"What is all the shouting for?" Pein demanded.

"Hidan, hn, summoned some demons!" Deidara accused.

"I did _not!"_

"As if; Tobi is clearly playing a prank on us." Kakuzu stated.

"No Tobi isn't", The masked man cried, "Tobi has been a good boy and was with Leader the whole night!"

Kakuzu didn't even want to confront the group as to just why exactly they always met separately from the others; he had some asses to beat and for once, none of them were Hidan's.

"Perhaps it is a malevolent spirit enacting revenge on one of you?" Zetsu suggested.

"Well, if that's the case, they're going to have to wait in line." Kisame gerimanced.

"Have you tried setting the board on fire?" Tobi suggested, "Deidara, blow it up!"

**_"You should never--"_ **

"You should _never_ set the board on fire. Angers the spirits." Konan affirmed.

Kisame made an exaggerated show of enlightenment.

 _"Thank_ you, Konan!" He cried, gesturing at her with one of his massive hands.

"Ah, fuck off, chumbucket," Hidan growled, "We've already broken so many 'rules' that it probably doesn't even matter!"

"True; one rule is you should never play while experiencing negative, upsetting emotions, but we clearly aren't the type of people to be adhering to that." Itachi added.

The group glared at him, but it was true; The Akatsuki were the last set of people to being playing with demons. Unfortunately, it was far too late.

_"Sasori..."_

"Hn, what was that?" Deidara whispered.

The Akatsuki craned their necks and ears, searching for the source of sound.

_"Sasoriiiiii....."_

Scratching; Hidan could hear scratching. It sounded almost like wood rubbing against sand.

"Whoever's singing my name, you're horribly out of tone," Sasori drawled," Like, jeez, drink some water or something."

"Danna," Deidara squeaked, clinging to him, "Don't make it mad, hn!"

"Nah, make the punk mad-- _enrage_ the nastly, little fucker. Then he'll come out and fight!" Hidan urged.

He gripped his pike even harder, but Kakuzu continued to hold some form of restraint.

"Show yourself, whoever you may be!" Pein commanded.

The air thickened with tension as an unnatural source of light began to seep in the cabin, turning the room all sorts of eerie greys and greens. Outside, the winds and rain had picked up a pace, hurtling itself in earnest at the wooden roof and dashing itself against the dingy windows. It was a ruckus, yet inside, absolute silence, except for Deidara's sniffling. And the scratching.

_"You know me, Sasoriiiiii..."_

"Tobi, if you don't stop this, I'm going to rip your tongue out." Kakuzu snarled.

"But it wasn't Tobi who's hissing at the puppet-man!" Tobi wailed.

"Oh, really, then who is it, hm? Zetsu, do I need to treat you to some extensive pruning?"

"Not at all," The plant-man replied, "Although, it does appear we have one more figure among us."

In the poor lighting, The Akatsuki could make out a slumped shape; it towered over them, even Kisame, and wore a shaggy coat.

_"Sasori...have you forgotten me? After all these years..."_

Suddenly, the figure swooped in on Sasori and Deidara, ghoulish arms outstretched and hands like claws; Sasori gasped and tried to shield his partner.

"How are you-"

Sandaime Kazekage hovered over them, a cruel grin plastered onto his face. He was more of a thickish fog than a bodily apirition, still, The Akatsuki could clearly distinguish his figure. Sasori wore a look of pure honor.

"What...I sealed you!" He stammered, "H-how can you possibly--"

 _"Because we've all come back to you!"_ The spirit cackled, _"We all wanted to pay you a little visit on this dark and dreary night."_

"And just who the _fuck_ is we?" Hidan spat.

Another shadow dropped down, this time near Pein and Konan. 

_"Your friends, of course..."_

The slimy voice trailed through the air, dripping with contempt and ill-will. Konan, out of instinct, dashed some paper shurikens at the figure, but they passed right through it. Upon further notice, the spirit was wearing a gasmask. Konan, arguably the most courageous of the group, put her arm in front of Pein, acting as a shield.

"You stay away from here!" She commanded, "Be gone! For you do not get to torment us again!"

The spirit in question was that of Hanzo the Salamander; he reeked of mold and rust and was approaching slowly. But before he could reach them, another ghoul thumped down right next to Kisame, twice as large as the shark-man.

_"Hello, traitor..."_

Kisame swung wildly, trying to cleave the apparition in half, but only succeeding in scattering the rest of The Akatsuki and destroying any nearby furniture. It was fruitless; the spirit passed through each blow with ease.

"I didn't even touch the thing!" Kisame cried, heaving Samehada once more, _"This_ is why you don't play with these things!"

_"Oh, come on, surely you can defeat once more..."_

Fuguki loomed before his former pupil, his face a ghastly expression of anger.

 _"It does not matter,"_ He rasped, _"You all have some comeuppance to pay forward; we were just the stronger of the spirits to actually come through to you!"_

The larger figure lunged at Kisame, who screamed and tried to swat away at the appreciation.

"Dei, blow these spooks up!" Tobi wailed, cowering under the table.

"Don't blow them up!" Kakuzu reprimanded, " Because then you're going to suffocate us within here. Zetsu; release the jutsu. We're done for the night."

Zetsu, who was barely visible in the ground, peek out of his foliage nervously.

"This isn't my doing!" He protested.

 _"Does it matter?"_ Fuguki leered, _"You all have blood on your hands--it's time you faced the consequences of your actions!_

He spat on Kisame's face.

_"Especially my sniveling, sorry, piece-of-shit apprentice."_

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes and grabbed Hidan, pulling him closer. He sure as Hell wasn't going to let him get further mixed in with this nonsense. But, Hidan wriggled from his protective hold and lunged at the ghoul, pike aimed at its heart.

"Nobody gets to call any of these losers pieces-of-shit except me!" He howled.

He swiped and speared, but the pike ghosted right through, causing Hidan to topple both him and Kisame over. Fuguki screeched with laughter as another spirit suddenly swooped in on Deidara. From the looks of it, Hidan could have sworn it was--

"Hn, get these things _away from_ **_me!"_ **

Random, aimless spirits descended on the terrorist, swarming him and Sasori as the Third Kazekage continued to torment the puppet-man. In an instance, they were surrounded and covered by the souls of nameless villagers and children. Deidara started to scream, his hands rapidly producing small spiders of clay.

"Deidara! Wait!" Itachi cired.

But he was too late; Deidara immediately activated all the bombs, short yet powerful enough to force the rest of The Akatsuki to take cover. Hidan dove back to his partner, covering Kakuzu as best as he could while Itachi and his crows swarmed to shield himself and Kisame. Together, Konan and Pein did their best to control the smoke, blowing it and as many spirits as they could out the now-shattered windows. After a time of chaos, there was silence. It appeared no spirits were present.

"Son of a bitch," Hidan scowled, helping himself and Kakuzu to their feet, "Who said it was a good idea to use fire inside of here?"

The room shot a handful of angry glares at Tobi.

"Tobi didn't do this!" He protested once more.

"Let's just close this Board's gate then," Pein decided.

He went to grab the reminets of the game, planchette included, but suddenly they were yanked away by some unknown force in the dark.

"Zetsu..."

"It isn't us!"

Above, a hundred red lights flashed from the ceiling. They were small, piercing, and dark as a blood-red moon. And they were _numerous._

**_"Itachi...."_ **

Like a swarm of monstrous birds, the ghosts of the UChiha clan felled the Th Akatsuki, slashing and grabbing at them in a mad fury. Itachi, no longer calm and wary, resulted to the last option any sane person would use:

**_"AMATERASU!"_ **

And thus the cabin erupted into black, tar-like flames, searing and burning the spirits as they screamed in agony. The Akatsuki were besides themselves.

Oh my _God_ , hn! We're going to **_die!"_ ** Deidara screeched, "Stupid Itachi and his artless work is going to consume us all!"

"And you all thought this was a good idea!"

"Shuttup, _hic!_ Just be happy you didn't have to choke-out a ghost!"

"Oh, really? Then, please, tell me, Sasori no Danna, what was it I was just doing to what used to be my mentor, hm? It sure wasn't a hug, I can tell you _that!_ "

""Kids, hn, there were so many kids! I didn't mean--"

"Tobi!" Kakuzu roared, "Put an end to this illusion or so help me I'm going to--"

 _"It isn't_ **_me!"_ ** Tobi shouted back, his voice dropping three octaves lower.

"How do we put this shit out?!" Hidan demanded.

The floor, as well as most of the furniture was now on fire, the spirits having passed through most of the flames.

"It doesn't go out, moron! My Amaterasu is designed to burn away at its victim until they cease existence!" Itachi sobbed.

Each duo was huddled together, doing their best their fend off the onslaught of now-flaming Uchiha ghouls. Hidan slashed and stabbed as kakuzu impaled with his threads, the pair doing their best to avoid any further disasters.

"You know," Hidan said between blows, "If this were a contest, I think my man Deidara would win. I mean, did you _see_ all those poor kids he killed? Definitely the highest body count of the night."

"Nonese," Zetsu's voice--now underground--called, "If anyone is going to win, it would be Itachi. Just look at how persistent these spirits are."

"Is now really the time to be discussing this?" Konanc argued, throwing paper kunais in waves.

"I agree with her. Just shut your mouth and fight, Hidan." Kakuzu chimed in.

He somehow managed to grab a spirit (they're malleable?) and flung at the Jashinist; Hidan roundhouse kicked it through a window. Once more, air rushed in from the outside world as a new sound of screaming appeared. The Akatsuki, still fighting braced; something _big_ was coming.

_"I think you underestimate yourself...Hidan..."_

Hidan's eyes went wide as he watched hordes of souls pour from the torn-up ouija board, all displaying the jashin curse symbol imprinted on their foreheads. Kakuzu cried out with exasperation.

"Hidan, you arrogant, _ignorant_ , careless piece of--"

_"Hello, Kakuzu of Takigakure!"_

Kakuzu whipped around was met with an unpleasant surprise: the ghost of Hashirama and Tobirama Senju.

 _"It seems your, um, partner has taken the lead in your little bodycount contest."_ The First Hokage said.

Kakuzu rolled up the sleeves of his cloak and hardened his face into a nasty snarl. It seems that maybe Kisame was right about the stupid game, after all. 

"If you want to pick a fight, you've come to me at the perfect time," He seethed, "Because _nobody_ is going to attack my partner and get away with!"

"Oh, shit, Kuzu's going to war!" Hidan crowed, still covered with his own victims.

Kakuzu threw a punch but fell right through the older Senju, stumbling around the room as the others did their best to fight off the rest of Hidan and Itachi's demons.

"Why are you even here?" Kakuzu demanded, "I didn't kill either of you!"

 _"Well, we could just let those dirty Uchihas have all the fun."_ Tobirama smirked.

"Hey!" Both Itachi and Tobi called out.

 _"Brother, don't be racist..."_ Hashirama sighed.

The two ghouls and Kakuzu exchanged fists, landing and missing all the same. Meanwhile, Hidan grappled with the never ending stream of victims, some showcasing massive holes in their chest cavities; he was now dealing with the victims of both him and Kakuzu. Pein and Konan were doing their best to control the flames, sending as much as they could once more through the windows, while Kisame and a still-startled Itachi did their best to fend off the remaining Uchiha spirits. Deidara and Sasori (who was now only slightly buzzed) used their combined efforts to pick off any stragglers, while Tobi cheered them on from under the burnt table. Zetsu, per usual, had suspiciously disappeared from the scene.

"Hm, it is almost as if we need to combine our skills into more full-team attacks!" Pein commented.

"Leader, now is not the time for some sort of life-lessons!" Kisame replied, exasperated.

Konan threw a ghost off her wing and twirled around.

"Can we close them back in?" She asked.

"You have to say goodbye, right?" Sasori called back, "That way they are trapped back in wherever they first came from!"

Kakuzu dodged a kick from Tobirama and wrestled the First Hokage to the ground. If someone could find the pieces of the board...they might just be able to get themselves out of this mess!

"Hidan! I need you to get the device and the board!" 

With a nod and a rather sadistic grin, Hidan kicked off a ghoulish salient and dove to the ground, searching for the planchette.

"I go to the board, hn!" Deidara cried.

He crawled on his hands and knees, ducking under the battling ghosts, and found Hidan, who had just grabbed the device from under a bed. Together, with an origami shield made by Konan, they got to the table, Tobi still hiding underneath. Then, with a final show, Kakuzu ditched his aaslanet and joined the younger members at the table.

"Itachi, Sasori; get over here!" He cried, "You too, Kisame! We need to all be present just in case!"

Together, the six Akatsuki took hold of the planchette, circling it over and over as they chanted their farewell. Like a vacuum, spirits began sucking past them, flowing straight into the glass centerpiece of the device. 

**_"Together, we are saying goodbye!"_** They called out, ** _"We say goodbye and return you to your evil home!"_**

The howled and crackled with negative energy and screaming, the spirits continuing to claw at their targets, but it was of no use; gradually, they all succumbed to the board, the black flames following suit. And, in an instance, the room was quiet once more. Then, once again, all was quiet.

Nobody moved.

"Is that, like, it?"Hidan ventured.

He was panting and sweaty, his skin flecked with ecto-like fluids. But, to Kakuzu's relief, he was alright. 

"It should be," Kisame answered, "Sometimes the malevolent spirit residing in the board likes to manipulate its players."

"Guess you could say we were the ones that got played tonight." Itachi mused.

The Akatsuki were exhausted; hair wind-blown, voices sore from screaming and shouting, and limbs weary. The only logical step now was to go to bed.

"We are leaving for a new location tomorrow," Pein announced, "Clearly we cannot handle a place so independent of society."

The handful of grumblings ensued, but Pein raised a hand; it was final.

"We leave tomorrow. No negotiations. And please, no more shenanigans for the night."

The Akatsuki reverted to their respective beds, too weary to further argue with each other. Before turning in, Kisame made sure to go outside and bury the remains of the ouija game, ensuring that no one would get any ideas later in the night. Exhausted, Hidan climbed in beside kakuzu and clinged tight.

"Before you say anything, just know you're a dumbass." 

"Yeah, I know; I'm kinda sorry."

"Only kind of?"

Hidan poked his tongue out and touched it to Kakuzu's nose.

"Well, I mean, you did kick ass--it was fucking hot! I wouldn't have gotten to see _that_ if I was not a dumbass."

"Hn, if you two psychopaths have sex tonight, I will literally blow off you penises!" Deidara called from across the room.

"Hm, then come here and get a good suck before it's too late!" He barked back.

"Teehee, Tobi wants one."

The other beds groaned with irritation and let out a stream of complaints, all directed at Hidan and his antics for the night, which he took with glee. Chaos was _fun._

"Just shut up and go to sleep please, I'm tired from saving you all the time." Kakuzu sighed, but he titled his head and gently bumped it against Hidan's in affection.

Hidan held his partner closer.

"Yeah I know; you always have my back."

"And, you always have mine, too."

And so they slept--all of The Akatsuki--unaware that, somewhere in the night, their ghosts may one day return, hungry for another round of vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this was hilarious to write and basically a rough draft for some other work of mine, so let me know what y'all think. I apologize that this one isn't super KakuHida, but I'll be making up for that in my last chapters ;)


	12. November 1: Mutual Pining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, when all is set and done for, they would remain together, death be dammned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to some recently intense bouts of anxiety, I have decided to end my work with this chapter. This is (I know keep saying this, but I mean it) my favorite piece of mine. Their love truly can be stronger than death.
> 
> Thank you everyone who gave me a chance and enjoyed my work; it means the world to me and I appreciate every single one of you. I truly feel welcomed in the fandom and I cannot wait to create even more content.
> 
> And, once again, happy KakuHida Week 2020; these two jackasses mean the world to me, as they do to all of us.

_ Light. _

_ Lots of blue light. _

_ Then darkness. _

_ Where is he? _

_ I cannot remain in darkness, _

_ Yet if he isn't here _

_ The darkness I will become. _

_ I will live it, _

_ Breathe it, _

_ Steal away in it so that I will never be found. _

_ Because _

_ Without you _

_ What's the point of light? _

_ What was the meaning in my life _

_ If you are no longer in it? _

_ I knew, _

**_I knew_ **

_ You were gone. _

_ Buried away so that I may never reach you. _

_ I knew _

_ That I was approaching death quickly. _

_ Still, _

_ I tired to get to you _

_ So that maybe, _

_ Just  _ **_maybe_ **

_ We could die together. _

_ Deidara was right: _

_ Nothing is eternal.  _

_ And so _

_ I _

_ For an eon it seems, _

_ Waited for you. _

_ Surely if you died _

_ You would be here with me! _

_ You would be in the dark too. _

_ The stars, _

_ The sun, _

_ All gone. _

_ I am stuck _

_ In the shadow of your heart. _

_ And I ache. _

_ I yearn for you, _

_ You idiot! _

_ We should be together now! _

_ The stars, _

_ The moon, _

_ They've all been blown out. _

_ And _

_ You  _ **_left_ ** _ me _

_ In the _

_ Dark. _

_ How could you leave me in the dark? _

_ After everything, _

_ How come you were taken from me? _

_ I know you: _

_ You would follow me to the ends of the Earth. _

_ So why are you not here with me? _

_ Must I continue to wait? _

**_Must I?_ **

_...must I? _

_ ~*~*~ _

_ A sudden stirring, _

_ Deep within my hearts, _

_ Which awakens my soul. _

_ Excitement; _

_ Will I finally get to see you? _

_ I see light _

_ As I open my eyes _

_ For the first time in centuries. _

_ But it is not your face, _

_ Nor your smell, _

_ That I am greeted by. _

_ It is the Snake's lackey. _

_ That little  _ **_bitch._ **

_ He holds me in a casket, _

_ A coffin, _

_ My grave. _

_ That urchin resurrected me! _

_ If I could,  _

_ I would strangle him; _

_ I only want to be at peace. _

_ I want to be with my... _

**_"Where is Hidan?"_ **

_ A pause. _

**_"Haven't gotten to him yet."_ **

_ The casket is closed _

_ And I am in darkness. _

_ And so this is how it goes: _

_ I am asked to fight, _

_ To rise again and use my strength. _

_ Over and over _

_ And over _

_ And over _

**_And_ **

**_Over_ **

_ I ask for you. _

_ Where are you? _

_ You promised me the world! _

_ That I would never be left in the dark. _

_ But I am foolish _

_ To believe that even you _

_ Can escape _

_ Death. _

_ I wish to die. _

_ That way I may perhaps be with you. _

_ Because  _ **_this_ ** _ is not living; _

_ I am like Sasori's puppets. _

_ This is not living, _

_ Not with you by my side. _

_ ~*~*~ _

_ And so I kept living, _

_ Living like a zombie, _

_ Under the thumb of the Snake's host _

_ (Because that little wretch could never be as powerful). _

_ Until one _

_ Day you _

_ Came back. _

**_Yes!_ **

_ He presented your coffin, _

_ Your doorway to me, _

_ And opened it alongside mine. _

_ Oh, _

_ How beautiful you will look! _

_ I admit _

_ I was jealous of Sasori and Deidara; _

_ They got to be together again. _

_ And I waited _

_ For so long. _

_ But I would wait again, _

_ Just for you. _

**_"Hidan?"_ **

_ You're smaller it seems, _

_ And tired, _

_ And stitched together. _

_ Every part, _

_ Every muscle and joint, _

_ Stitched up like a rag doll; _

_ Like me. _

_ You are _ **_mesmerizing._ **

_ Oh so stunning. _

**_"Hidan?"_ **

_ And those violent, _

_ Violet _

_ Damning eyes flicker on. _

_ They shine with such intensity; _

_ With an angry glint. _

**_"Kaku...why'd you never come back for me?"_ **

_ I wanted to! _

**_"I tried to claw my way out,"_ **

**_"Crawl my way out!"_ **

_ I know I know I know! _

**_"What happened to you?"_ **

_ And I fell to my knees _

_ Because what else am I supposed to do? _

_ He looks so withered, _

_ Yet so  _ **_proud_ **

_ To stand in front of me. _

_ His eyes-- _

_ I noticed _

_ \--Are blackened like mine. _

_ Without words, _

_ He joins me _

_ On his knees for mercy. _

**_"I sacrificed myself,"_ **

_ He explains as he clutches to me, _

**_"I gave Jashin my heart so I can be with you."_ **

_...he did that for me? _

**_"So you are dead too?"_ **

_ And he begins to cry, _

_ As do I. _

**_"I died so I could be resurrected with you!"_ **

**_"And I would do it again,"_ **

**_"Because I care about you!"_ **

_ His face, _

_ That pristine, _

_ Handsome face, _

_ Is dripping with tears and snot. _

_ And I begin to weep. _

**_"You left me!"_ **

_ I yell, _

**_"You left me and I could not get to you!"_ **

_ And I hold him tightly, _

_ Afraid to let go; _

_ For surely _

_ He might _

**_Slip_ **

**_Away_ **

_ Again. _

**_"I will never fucking leave you!"_ **

_ He's crying and I am crying, _

**_"I will never leave you again!"_ **

_ And then we are laughing _

_ Because we are finally together once more. _

_ Because we are all that we have left _

_ For each other. _

_ We might as well  _ **_rejoice._ **

_ We weep and cling and refuse to ever release each other _

_ Except together. _

_ And that is when I feel myself drifting apart. _

_ It starts like dust, _

_ Like dried leaves blowing away, _

_ And Hidan can tell that this is it. _

_ But I am not ready; _

_ I still want so much more time with him! _

_ I love him! _

**_I love him._ **

_ There are tears in our eyes, _

_ They shine like stars. _

**_"You can't leave me you heathen,"_ **

_ But what can I do? _

**_"You don't get to leave me just yet!"_ **

_ The Snake-man is panicking, _

_ Trying to push us back into our coffins, _

_ Our eternal beds, _

_ But we do not budge. _

_ Sasori and Deidara, _

_ Then Itachi and Nagato, _

_ Try to pry us from each other _

_ But it is no use: _

_ I am like dirt in the wind. _

_ And he is clutching to me, _

_ Begging me to not go, _

_ But what he doesn't realize yet _

_ Is that he is fading away too. _

**_"Hidan,"_ **

_ I say, _

**_"We will go together."_ **

_ And he realizes he is fading too. _

_ A smile, _

_ Two smiles _

_ And we start to  _ **_laugh._ **

_ We laugh _

_ And cry _

_ And shout _

_ And sing and crow and gasp and kiss for we are going to  _

_ Be together _

_ Once more! _

_ Our dying moments on Earth, _

_ Before we descend to Hell together, _

_ Are left with laughter _

_ And love. _

**_"I promise I will never leave you!"_ **

_ He assures _

_ As his skin flakes away further _

_ And as mine drifts apart. _

**_"And I promise to never let go!"_ **

_ I proclaim. _

_ For I took the stars _

_ From my eyes _

_ And brought him to me. _

_ I knew that _

_ Somehow _

_ He would find his way back. _

_ We are dissolving and drifting but never letting go _

_ As tears and smiles continue, _

_ Long after we have gone, _

_ I can hear your heart beating _

_ In the darkness too. _

_ And _

**_I am happy._ **

_ So I'll _

_ Stay in the darkness _

_ With you. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for the abrupt stop. I had so many other ideas and I'm so sorry to leave you hanging, especially those whom I mentioned what prompts i still was going to do. Thank you all for the love and support. I am grateful for you all. ;3
> 
> P.S~ I wrote this listening to "Cosmic Love" (Florence + the Machines), if y'all want to get into the same headspace as I was with this poem.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome!


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